My New "Yearn for Freedom" Blog;

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

I Dedicate this Song to My Daughters

   Thinking of my daughters and I, as I listen to this song, tears at my heart. Before the targeting finished tearing us apart, and before I realized that we were being targeted, (around the year 2005) I had launched into putting most of my focus into my work, while the targeting slowly and inconspicuously tore us apart. As I realized the technological part of the targeting it quickly vamped up, and convinced them that I was just "mentally ill," because I tried to convince them of what was happening and to join me in trying to get FBI help with it. They tried to have me institutionalized and I was forced to completely pull away from them. This was in the fall of 2011 and was the most painful day of my life. As I drove away I called them, and, in more pain than I have ever felt, said, "That was the worse thing you could have done! You just lost me." This was the day that they became a danger to me and I felt that I had lost them. But I'm sure that they didn't understand and were deeply hurt too. There was no one in their lives who could help them understand that the targeting was real and they were surrounded by too many who had been doing the opposite. We didn't stand a chance. They lost me and I lost them and this has surely left a painful wound in all of our hearts, because we had been close and our love for each other had ran deep.
   We were all deeply hurt as the targeting cruelly tore us apart. At first I stayed away from them, in order to save myself from being institutionalized and force medicated. And then I stayed away, in order to save all three of us from those types of vamp ups against me.
    Before I realized the scope of the mind control part of the targeting I had felt disappointed in them for not letting their Hearts bypass messages from those who had been convincing them that the targeting was all in my head and that I should go to an institution. But I now realize how impossible it has been for them to realize and face the reality of the targeting. I know now that none of it was their fault. They were also targeted and hurt in many ways. I still believe in their Hearts. I still believe in them - in who they were born to be. I was blessed with two absolutely awesome people for daughters. And I am not just saying that because I am their mother. Its really True. And the pains that have been inflicted upon them has hurt me too.
   I have tried not to think of them very much during this time of forced separation and my fight to survive, because it hurts too much and there is nothing I can do to bridge the gap or stop the targeting or save them (or myself) until we have other people openly acknowledging the targeting and protecting us from it. My excruciating wait for that has already felt like more than one forever and it does not look like it will be able to happen. I miss them so much - I deeply miss what could have been if we had not been targeted. My heart aches for all that has been lost in the decades of the hell that we have been surviving. Not being able to freely be together and love and trust each other has hurt indescribably.
   I still periodically send them little "I love you" messages, because I can not bear them feeling unloved or blamed by me. But words are not the real thing, especially when delivered through technologies. I wish we were all free and recovering from the hell we have been put through. My written fight for freedom has often been fueled by my hope for our hearts to reunite and recover and make up for too many lost decades.

    Though our separation was forced by the targeting, I still often feel guilty. I wish I'd realized the full nature of the targeting sooner. I wish I'd known. I wish I could have protected them from the pain of thinking that their mom is crazy as well as from the other targetings that have been performed against them. I wish I could take away their pain and free their beautiful Hearts.

Dear Girls, I am so sorry that their has been too little that I could do. I still believe in us - I believe that our hearts will eventually re-unite even if this can not happen in this lifetime. I still believe in you - I still believe in the beauty of your Hearts and Souls. I love you both so much.

Vince Gill - I Still Believe In You

   This post is not asking my daughters to stand with me. I know that this is impossible without outside help. I just want them to know that they have not lost my love and that I do not blame them. They are victims too.

 I still believe in me too.