My New "Yearn for Freedom" Blog;

Saturday, April 21, 2012

The Song

   In 2003 I'd undergone a series of medical tests, in an attempt to find out why I'd been experiencing weakness, pain in my joints, dizzy spells, ringing in my ears, and extreme fatigue since 2001. All tests came back negative and I was still ill. I had not known, at the time, that I had Lupus and that Lupus was the result of being targeted with Microwave Weapons. 
    In May of 2003 my youngest daughter dedicated this song to me. . . and then it carried me through the next year, especially through a time of soul searching and healing within an 11 day fast (in February 2004) in an Arizona desert. Each time I listened to this this song tears streamed from my soul and I found reason to not let go of hope for surviving my mysterious ailment. This song, coming from my daughter, helped me find the strength to pick up a few of the broken pieces of a long chain of losses. . .and start over again.
  Tonight I listen to it and feel like it is from some other life time - a lifetime when I had thought that my daughters and I were allowed to live our own lives, think only our own thoughts and feel only our own feelings. . .a time when we were allowed to love each other and be there for each other. . .a time that is no longer here.
   I now find this song having the opposite effect from what it had in 2003 and 2004. Its pried a flood of tears from my aching soul. I guess only a Targeted Individual mother, who has been forced into complete isolation away from her children's lives and hearts. . .due to this excruciating hitler-style brutality, can understand how the last third of this song can reach in and dislodge an engulfing ache.

I have lost my daughters. 
I can no longer be there for them 
And they can not be here for me. 

I Grieve.