My New "Yearn for Freedom" Blog;

Friday, February 24, 2012

As Hope Fades, Faith Strengthens

   I checked my car's fuse box and found something missing. May be the thingy that ran my heater. Stolen or vanished into my imagination? (glad I still have my sense of humor.) If the puppets wanted me to be cold they got their wish. But I'm thankful for the days when the sun shines in to heat my car. And Spring is right around the corner, right?
   Local puppets have been a bit thin lately. Wonder what they are up to. Usually when I get a brake from them there is some other way they are trying to interfere in my life. Like the time when they swarmed a woman right after she'd offered me a rental and a bit of work. All sorts of weird stuff started happening at her house before I had a chance to get there! I told her they'd stop targeting her if she didn't associate with me anymore. This has happened more times, in the past decade, than I can now count.
   Because almost every avenue for work or rentals usually ended up being torn from me. . .with people saying they were suddenly met with bad luck since they met me or some other form a sabotage.
   This was such a consistent theme for so many years. . .and who would have thought that there were gangs of puppet-vultures attacking the lives of everyone who began opening a door to help remove me from their claws? 
  I had even foolishly thought that the reasons why the jobs did not work out was because I needed to follow my heart into my writings more completely, instead of aiming for jobs that would only bring me money and no real satisfaction. Not so unreasonable. Right? Except that my writings were being even more sabotaged, which is what was forcing me to find other work!


But I plugged along, one day at a time, viewing each obstacle as just another spiritual challenge that I had to keep up my faith through, although hope for my financial well-being was lost over and over and over again.
   Though I feel really foolish now, I am realizing that my miss-perceptions helped me to survive. Each time hope faded, my faith kicked in because I didn't know that other human beings were doing this to me - I didn't know that crimes were being committed against me.

  Anyway, I am sorry if I seem a bit negative at times. I have felt really sad about the lack of help with this for so long, I guess because it feels like a lack of care. But I now realize that this holocaust has been set up to make us feel this way. . .and in knowing this I am going to try not to let it get me too far down anymore. I still have God and myself, and although my brain feels a bit too fried at times, it seems to bounce back every now and then.
   My last attempt to reach out for help from my already completely estranged family of origin, threw me into a slump that has been hard climbing out of. (Not going there again.)
   I can understand people wondering if I am just insane at this point in the game. But I need to stay away from those who WANT me to be insane or "mentally ill" just to cover their own mistakes or public slanders. 
   I've been almost completely separated from my family of origin for over two decades now and I guess its going to remain that way unless a miracle seeps into their hearts and then remains there. . .and I am sure this is not going to happen any time soon. Though it hurts to have no family, it is still healthier for me to remain completely separate from them.

Another Retreat

I try to understand. I do.
As my pain retreats
The hand I reached
Out to you.

Its True!

(Update 4/17/15; I have since realized that those who target me had isolated me from my family and set up manipulations and even brainwashing to convince them that I was mentally ill, especially since my little brother's death, which I had felt was NOT a real "accident." He was the first one to start realizing the targeting and then he was suddenly dead.)

God is holding my hand. I feel it in the Light
That reaches for me in these cold nights.

1:16 pm: Was revising my "Message for Obama" and network connections in the whole area suddenly disappeared. I drove to a hotel and finished what I was doing and am now feeling heat in my head and pain in my ears and the same old high pitched sounds that usually accompany it. I have actually wondered why they are letting me write this blog. They could disintegrate my computer in a flash! Perhaps it is because they think I am crucifying myself in my writings and that this can be used as evidence of  "insanity" or something negative against me. Do ya think? Pain is extending into the left side of my neck now!

6:27pm: The puppets are back in full force! And I am being microwaved again!

Remnants of Blog Entries from 14th to 23rd

Posts from Feb 14 to Feb 23

   In case you haven't guessed, I've never blogged before. I find myself struggling to set this blog up like a website and its not working well. ;-( Am returning to normal blogging and will no longer be adding to the single page, which the following posts were on.

Yesterdays frustration and anger is turning into today's determination to be here for myself on deeper levels. 
   When I search my heart I honestly can not blame anyone for thinking I am nuts. Who would have thought that we could be remotely attacked by microwave technologies, which most people do not even know exist! And who would have thought that they can read minds...etc., or even that criminals could EVER be allowed access to such technologies! This stuff flies way beyond the comprehension of the ordinary unaware mind.
   Before I knew about the "gang stalking" technologies used on us, I had assumed that I was being targeted by some sort of satanic occult and that the harmful energy was being delivered via some sort of spiritual channel! (I've been publicly writing about this for years, because in my dreams it was shown as an energy that people were directing at me.).) I guess this is the most crazy sounding part of all this. Perhaps its worked against me. I misperceived it, because of my own technological ignorance. I knew something horrible was happening and that I needed help with it. . .I just didn't know exactly what it was, just like most of you don't know now.
   It probably never would have popped into my mind, that satellites were being used or even could be used in conjunction with the other parts of the targeting. I am so thankful to those who realized what is happening before I did. Without them I truly would be completely lost. I got validation when I needed it most. I thought I was going nuts, more than one time, in the past few years. 

(I feel an indescribable sadness, when I wonder how many people are going through this and are just assuming they are going insane - when I wonder how many good people are being destroyed, both psychological and physically.)

    Since most people already think I'm nuts anyway, I'm going to go even further out on this limb, because someday, the Truth is going to come out anyway:
   Due to my experiences, I not only feel that there is a lot of successful, undetectable brain washing and mind control intrusions into the people who were/are close to Targeted Individuals, but I also feel that these criminals are experimenting with cloning and are somehow merging thoughts and/or feelings from one brain to another. I read reports that explain this. And, as I look back, it now seems like it was happening to some people I knew.

   I have seen people around me suddenly start acting like someone I knew in my past, which was way out of character for them. And I have watched people suddenly start acting like me - one who even seems to think she is me. I know this sounds weird, but. . .there is a lot of weird stuff happening. (puzzle pieces to the past couple decades of my life are still flying together and I am overwhelmed.) This is all so horrible and so dark/evil that none of us want to believe it. But some of us are forced to not only believe it, but also be tortured by it.

   Common sense says that if every "Targeted Individual", who was a normal person prior to being targeted, is suddenly declared "just paranoid", there would be a suspicious increase in such diagnosis. . .and that if every healthy individual who's turned into a lab rat is suddenly being diagnosed with mysterious illnesses like Lupus. . .there would be a  suspicious rise in this newly generated illness. But these statistics are probably being hidden.
   I hate to say it, but this really does look hopeless. I feel forced to accept that this Technological Holocaust may get worse before enough people see what is going on and find the Heart to stand up and stop it. . .and that it may be too late for me, and God knows how many others, when that time finally comes.
   My fight to try to get help and care from brainwashed people, is taking too much of the energy they are already zapping out of me. I must shift my focus and accept that I am all I have here on Earth. 
    I thank God for being here with me and for picking me up during those times when I am hit with their attacks and shoved into the agony of pain and despair.  If I survive this, I hope it is with my brain in tact.  Putting it in God's hands.

   Got a small amount of help today, but not enough to really take care of myself. Am thankful, though that this has enabled me to hang in here a few more days. A little is a lot better than nothing, and it came just in time.
   Doing a lot of crying lately. Feel like I'm at the end of the line. Don't know how much more microwaving I can take. My brain is feeling fried! I've desperately needed help and protection from this. There is only so much a person can take. And I'm not the only person this is happening to. If you can't care for me, please care for them and pass the word around.

Still praying. . .

5:00 pm: went to my PO Box and found no hope and am feeling in the mood to be writing this and entering it on the comment parts of sites who have the wisdom and courage to be validating the experiences of TIs. . .

"I have been a Targeted Individual for over two decades now and am reaching a point where I'm becoming speechless. I feel like I have been wasting my energy screaming for help into a giant void that has been created by mind control and manipulations in almost every human being around me. I have reached out over and over over again for help with this and it does not seem to exist for me...for most of us I imagine.  I feel hurt! I feel angry! I feel lost! I feel helpless!!!
   I feel like a caged animal who is being mutilated and killed in a world that boasts of Freedom and human rights, yet nobody seems to care! Cries for help from Targeted Individuals seem to fall empty and spent into the heartless void of this Technological Holocaust!
   I wonder how many of our minds will be mutilated and how many more of us are going to be destroyed, either physically or mentally, before the rest of the world wakes up and finds the heart to unite into a force that can end this atrocity!!!" 

I feel hurt.


02/21/12: Woke with sharp pains shooting through my head. But last night the microwaving may have also helped me, because it creates so much heat in my body that it kept me warmer than I would have been without it. Still no heat in my van. My blog is being interfered with! Don't know how much longer it will remain up. Trying to not let them destroy my hope and faith.
   BOTH of my children are awesome people, who are also victims. One had a severe V2K experience in 2008 and the other has landed in the hospital with sudden, unexplainable neurological damage that had temporarily disabled her speech and motor skills...etc. Both are victims of electronic mind control intrusions, although they are not aware of it.
   No matter what sorts of mind control has been done, or may be done, on my children, in efforts to hide what is happening to me, I feel sure that their awesome Hearts will eventually override it. There are too many documented and witnessed, bazaar experiences in the past two decades of our lives to be completely washed away, unless all our minds are completely destroyed, and that alone will be proof of what is happening.
   More and more puzzle pieces are clicking together every day. The one question that keeps popping into my mind is. . ."What sort of people would harm innocent children and parents?" This is a question more of us should be asking and investigating before its too late.

What do you do? 
When you see knives
Slipping into minds
And nobody sees
The intrusions
Or what they'll
Grow to be?

What do you do?
When everyone thinks
You're just insane
So they can win
This evil game
What do you do? 
When you wish
"Insane" were true,
But there remains
Too much proof?
What do you do?

Am listening to this SONG again.

02/20/12: Early AM:  I fear that my children may now be in more danger than before. I am in desperate need of help within a couple days. FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! WILL SOMEONE WHO STILL HAS A HEART PLEASE DO SOMETHING!?
 10:51 am: I called the Boston FBI and was actually able to get through to a "Duty Officer". . .with no positive results. Looks like there is not much hope, at this point in time. 

I have tried and tried to get help for my situation, but my hands feel tied, because it seems like anyone who could help either couldn't or wrongly judged me or also got targeted! 

12:30pm: IMPORTANT NOTE : The most curious thing about the email I shared yesterday is not just that it seemed coded with colors and phrases and caps, but also that it came from a woman who seemed to be a perpetrator/gangstalker, who had called me, trying to befriend me. I called her back and said, "Don't call me again, since you are one of the perpetrators. I hope you find your Heart."  Then she sent the email. I think, because of my calmness, she may have assumed I am one of them. If this is so, the site address she'd sent may have been a site full of gang stalkers. . .ESPECIALLY SINCE IT SEEMS TO HAVE CHANGED SINCE  I POSTED IT HERE.
1:51pm: Ok I think I may just join most of you and pretend this isn't happening and see where that gets us. Sure! I'll be "insane" if it makes this all REALLY go away! I don't want to be having to deal with it either. But I have to. (Am feeling hurt and angry.)

02/19/2012: I am realizing that some of the people whom I thought were mildly involved may be just victims of mind control. Still figuring things out.

10am: My battery suddenly died as I uploaded the above statement.  Went into a store last night for just a few minutes and now my heater suddenly does not work again. Was very cold last night and now. Feeling scared this morning about the weird email below. I am in desperate need of help from law enforcement, but none have "jurisdiction" to handle this and the FBI has not responded to my three pleas for help.

12:30pm: The day before yesterday I stumbled into the Hanover, NH area and was met with a hell of a farewell committee!

1pm: It appears that something may have been put in my drink again. Throat suddenly feels swollen. God, I'm going to need a good therapist, who understands this crap, if it ever reaches a point where it is over!

3:20pm:  This is all still blowing my mind! Looking back. . .  Feel like a fool for perceiving it all in a spiritual way, but I guess this is also what helped me survive it. It all feels a lot worse since I found out what has been really happening to me. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.

6:20pm: It appears that I just got another cryptic threat against my daughters and possibly my whole family? Here is a email message I got. 

(I removed the address and message that was here, because I hear that the perpetrators can start law suits against people who publicly expose them.)

7:00pm pain and cold feeling from ears down through shoulders. Pain in chest. Increased heart rate. Sharp pains in heart now.  Worse than before! Pains going down into left arm and tingling in hands. You figure out the cryptic message, I have to move.

Later: above message was wiped off page and I got microwaved badly. Am putting it back. We'll see what happens! FBI I need your help with this. PLEASE!

02/18/2012: A perp angrily blurted out yesterday, "You keep testing and you know what will happen if you don't stand down!" Must mean that I am doing something right. sometimes when they hit me hard with electronic attacks, I crumble and don't know if I will live through it. But each time that ray of Light reaches in to help me, I rise with even more determination to fight until the end. If I am going to be left to die from this, then BY GOD I'M GOING DOWN WRITING ABOUT IT!
I have driven to different places to test the results of the attacks and have come to the conclusion that the severest electronic stuff is indeed being done remotely and not by the local gang stalkers. It appears that these criminals do indeed have access to satellites, microwave weapons.

Last fall, one of the perpetrators called me a "deflector", which means that I have not been very susceptible to the mind control part of this. I feel that the reason for this is that my heart has overridden my mind, some of the time.
    Everything I have written in my past. . .about listening to our HEARTS over our minds is the very thing that can help us through most parts of this. This had been evident in the people around me, who have been manipulated against me (on severe levels since 2005). Those who listen to their Hearts instead of what is being projected into their minds are more able to surpass it, IF they are not being drugged. I have witnessed two people, whom I love, go back and forth with this. When their love for me overrides, they See. When they listen to their minds, they join the forces against me.

Love is the weapon
Which can deflect 
Controlling darkness
They project.
HEART is the key. 
Please believe me!

Download the FREE Heart Bud publication.

Later: My new car battery was suddenly completely drained while I posted this. Not the first time.

2/17/2011: Feels like I was drugged again! Had to fill both of my front tires up with about 10 pounds of removed air again today. Gave article to a reporter today, but don't expect anything from it, except to feel like I am doing all I can. Someone is accessing both my fb account and email again. I keep refurbishing my computer and changing passwords but it keeps happening anyway. Electronics on my car are going crazy again!

Sometimes I wish I were just nuts. That would be a lot easier to deal with. Feel like I could slip in that direction lately. . .just let my mind slip into an oblivion that could pretend none of this is happening and pretend I am safe and doing my work and building my dreams. . .instead of being destroyed. But I am holding strong although there is no help here for me.

If I were the only person left
On Earths vast depleted nest,
Alone is something I'd feel less,
For I am drowning in the depths
Of its crowded emptiness.

02/16/12: My heater is suddenly working again. Local puppets have backed off a bit this morning. Guess they sometimes have better things to do. I am starting to believe what is said about the electronic ability to instantly put a TI to sleep. Seem to have experienced that yesterday and last night.
     My head is killing me today. Feel like I spent the night in a microwave oven. Lot of pain behind right eye, in right ear and in back right side of head. My body feels like it is on fire, yet my temp is way below normal....same old. Being hit hard, possibly  for exposing this and putting the Personal Journal book back on my list. Have to keep moving to different Internet access points, because they keep blocking me. Severe hits in my head continuing. Are they trying to make my "oblivion" wish come true? Not going to let them if it is in my power. Am not stopping! Feel like I have not much left to lose anyway.

02/15/12: Fighting to remain hopeful today. Had a melt down. Guess I am entitled, under the circumstances. No more heat in my car makes it a bit harder to survive. But my chin will rise tomorrow and I'll stop trying to figure out who put me on the hit list and just see how much longer I can survive it.