The New Hampshire DOT and Me
This statement is to explain the things I have written about my experiences with the New Hampshire Department of Transportation (DOT) taking of my Loudon, NH home. The first statement was completed around 2015 as part of a report of the targeting. I was being targeted while I wrote it so some things were left out. The second statement was written in 2005 as part of venting of the pain I felt over the whole situation. Please be sure to read the explanations before and after each one.
The NH Department of Transportation Taking of my Loudon, NH home in 1995;
There appeared to be repeated attempts for perpetrators to take over my country home, on the corner of route 106 and Staniels Road in Loudon, NH, after my husband and I divorced. Two people offered to buy it and let me continue living there. Two had tried to actually move in with me. All of it was done under the guise of help and by those whom I am now realizing were part of a perpetration infiltration into my life in the early 1990s. I had refused all of their offers. And then the DOT took my home under their rights of eminent domain.
The process of the DOT taking my home was dragged out. . .leaving me in an uncomfortable position, financially, because their plans to put a road through my property were preventing me from selling a commercial part of it and from freely continuing my in home business.
At one point I had called a news paper reporter with the hope that some exposure would help swing things into a more positive direction. But the reporter stopped by the DOT office before coming to my house and the DOT called me while he was driving from there to meet me, and informed me that everything was looking better and set the date for the closing. I didn't realize that this was a manipulation at the time. I had believed that things were genuinely swinging onto a better course and that there was no point in pointing out the negative details to the reporter. When the reporter got to my house, I told him that the DOT had just called and that everything had changed. "I'll bet they did," he said. The phone call from the DOT and my lack of awareness set the course for a news paper article in the Manchester Union Leader, which made it all appear like it was a good thing. But it wasn't and things got worse. . .and it seemed like there was nothing I could do to stop any of it. Local lawyers even refused to help me.
The closure date was delayed after I’d shut down my business in preparation for the move. This left me with almost no income. An official at the DOT suggested that I go on welfare. I was mortified. (The aim to sabotage my homes and work and try to push me into welfare or disability is a strong pattern in the targeting.)
I remember getting a call from a DOT official after the news paper article came out. He told me that it would be best if I did not talk to anymore reporters. And then he said that he was friends with the president of the bank who held my mortgage and was having dinner with him. After this he said something like, "Do you know what I mean?" But I didn't know what he meant, at the time. I thought it meant that he was going to put in a good word for me. I followed through with my plan to visit the president of my bank, explained the situation to him and asked if I could make lower payments - just the principle part of the mortgage, until the state followed through with the purchase and it could all be paid off. Within a couple days a really mean sounding thug called and said that my home would be immediately foreclosed on if I were to be late on just one payment. This was shocking, because I had NEVER been late on a payment and had perfect credit. I had gone to talk to them, with the hope of preventing such problems.
A friend’s father had stepped in to help me. I think he had called the DOT and then he come to the closing, which is probably what made things go better than they had been. (But that friend's family appears to have been targeted as well.)
During the taking of my home I rented a room to a woman whom I now believe may have been drugging me. My reactions to the DOT became extremely uncharacteristic of me. At one point I wrote F----- You in a letter to them. This word was not even in my vocabulary! And I had changed my name from Sharon Buck to Namatari Neachi in the middle of the process, which is also odd.
The following story has been shared in three publications since 2005 when I wrote it as part of an exercise in embracing and venting feelings, which is what most of my 2005 writings were about. This is why it is so emotional. All of the events I explain are true. But the emotions around them are strong because I was heavily crying when I wrote it. This batch of writing, like much of what I had been writing in 2005, was an intentional releasing of my pain through my writings. In it I went overboard with blaming the DOT for all that has happened to me since they pulled the rug out from under my feet. But I now realize that the targeting started long before that and has continued since then. The DOT taking of my home, in the way they did, was only part of it.
As for the part where I mention loosing faith in my own government; I can understand how this could seem offensive to some people. I am deeply sorry if it has offended anyone. It is honestly nothing against the government. It is merely how I felt after the DOT treated me the way they did. It scared me. My home and income were not my biggest losses. My trust and my feeling of safety in my own country was torn. It has been a difficult thing to get over. Crying and writing the following story helped me to release some of the pain.
My heart deeply cries for the pain I’d experienced when my New Hampshire government barged into my life, and literally threatened me into silence as they took my home, my business, my income, my future. . .while exercising their “Rights of Eminent Domain” with shocking levels of carelessness. In this statement, I am fighting for our freedom.
In 1994 I lived the average middle class life style. But I was struggling to make ends meet while supporting my two daughters, primarily on my own. Our home was a nice peaceful river-front property on the corner of Staniels Road and route 106, in Loudon, NH, where I ran my own day-care center and rented out part of my home to the “Concord area Spiritual Growth Network”. Because I was barely making ends meet, I’d decided to sell the commercial corner of my land, pay off one of my mortgages, and turn the rest of my home/property into a small, self-supporting retreat center. If this were to fail, I actually had two people who had wanted to purchase my home and let my daughters and I continue living in part of it. I didn’t want to sell, so I clung to my plan of selling just a small part of the land, so that I could keep the rest. This was a good, solid plan. But, while I was making these plans for my children and I, the New Hampshire Department of Transportation, Bureau of Right of Way” (the NH DOT) was making other plans for MY home and MY future, without my knowing about it.
In June of 1994, After getting the DOT’s announcement of their final “106 expansion plans”, I went to the Loudon, NH meeting, where their maps were publicly displayed. A mixture of shock and grief gripped me as I found the diagram of my property, and noticed a road going diagonally through it, in a way that would prevent ALL of my plans and destroy the peacefulness of my property. I remember a state official, Mark Richardson, rushing over to me, as if he’d been waiting for me to arrive. He kept trying to assure me that everything would be OK if I just “apply for a complete acquisition” instead of having my property divided in a way that would destroy it. But I did not feel assured by his suggestions. This was when my world started caving in, even though the worst was yet to come.
Due to my financial struggles, and the fact that their plans were preventing me from moving forward with any of my plans, some tried to make it out to be a blessing that the state was moving in to take my home. I even tried to believe it my self. But it wasn’t. There was absolutely no blessing in any part of it. This was not good for me or my children. I probably could have recovered from it, if the DOT had treated me fairly. But, unfortunately, this is not what happened. The ways they treated me were so horribly wrong that it left me in a state of devastation.
In the beginning, when I trusted them, I followed their advise, as they railroaded me into applying for a “complete, immediate, hardship acquisition”. This was incredibly difficult for me. I didn’t want to lose my home! I didn’t want my children to lose their home! I didn’t want any of this! I just wanted them to go away and leave us alone. But they said I had no choice. They refused to alter their plans. And then they said that they had to take my whole property, instead of just part if it, because of my request for an “early acquisition”!
Unfortunately, I was in a position where I needed them to either completely leave my property alone and put their road in a place where it would not have ill effects on anyone, (which could have easily been done!) or purchase it right away so that I wouldn’t continue being stuck in a place where I could not do anything with my own property. I felt trapped! I WAS trapped! But they left me hanging, not telling me when they were going to take my property. They seemed to have no consideration for what their plans were doing to my children and I. They just left me hanging with my hands tied, until I called a Union Leader reporter, hoping that some exposure would help them treat me more fairly. But I hadn’t known that the reporter had talked to the DOT officials just before coming to my house. So, I had believed Wayne Husband when he called me, just minutes before the reporter pulled into my driveway, to announce that they finally “would be following through with an immediate acquisition,” on a nearby date, and that everything would be OK for my children and I. I felt relieved that SOMETHING was finally happening, after being left hanging with no answers for too long, even though I still didn’t want them to take my home. So, I tried to look at the bright side. And it’s this bright side that answered the reporters questions, without realizing that I was being deliberately deceived by my own government, and possibly even by the reporter who had told me that “no one wanted any waves, due to the elections, during this time”. And the way he asked questions and wrote his article made it all look like I was happy and the DOT was doing me a favor.
The worst part of this is that I had trusted them enough to pass their information on to the parents who brought their children to my Day Care Center. These parents quickly found other Day Cares. And as the closing date approached, I found out that the state of NH was never really planning to follow through with the purchase of my home, at that time.
I can’t even begin to explain how I felt when I realized that they had lied to me so that I would change the story, I’d tell the reporter, into one that made them look like they were helping me, instead of exposing the Truth. I think that, on that day of realizing this, a part of me completely shut down. I didn’t want to believe that my own government was doing this to us, but they were. And I didn’t know how to deal with it. I couldn’t deal with it. There was nothing I could do! I was trapped - completely trapped! I had no rights and no way out. They had so many “Rights” that there was none left over for me! I couldn't even find a lawyer who was willing to go up against the government.
Their lie, to cover for themselves, had left me without my primary income. And their plans for my property had left me without my own property to fall back on, with any sort of partial sale or altered use...etc. I had two young children to feed and two mortgages to pay!!! I had even lost my rental income and a part time job with the “Spiritual Growth Network” in the very beginning of their intrusions. And they did not ever offer me any sort of compensation for any of these losses. In fact, they headed in the opposite direction!!!
I thought a different reporter may be able to help my situation. But as I aimed to call a “Concord Monitor” reporter, a DOT official called me and bragged about being “close friends with the president, of Concord Savings Bank (the bank that held my mortgages). He told me that he was meeting the president of my bank for dinner, and that he’d see what he could do to get him to help me out....but that if I talked to another reporter, he would see to it that I would completely lose my home in a foreclosure and never get any money for it at all. Even though I never did follow through with talking to the Concord Monitor Reporter, I found his threat to be a cruel Truth. I had already set up an appointment, for the next day, with the vice president of that bank. And after I talked to him about my fear of not being able to make my upcoming payments, and asked if I could make partial payments until the DOT closed on my property, he refused to work with me, in any way. He had a rude man call and threaten that, ‘If I were ever be late on any payment, they would start immediate foreclosure proceedings...” This came at a time when I had not been late for even one payment in over a decade - when I’d only expressed my fear of not being able to make future payments! I had perfect credit and they had no legitimate reason to be treating me this way. And as if the threats were not enough, they RAISED my mortgage payments to about $200 dollars per month more than what they had been!!!
Concord Savings Bank and the NH DOT had united against me!!!!!!! And I can’t even begin to tell you how scared, how desperate, I had felt. I had no choice but to do what they said or completely lose our home. This was when I lost my freedom. This was when something inside of me broke. From this point on, I numbly obeyed what they dictated out of a deep fear for the welfare of my children and I. They demonstrated such heartlessness that I still feel scared of them! They literally beat me into a corner - into silence, with a cruel abuse of the power they had over me. This all felt too horribly wrong!
(Even though my children did not know the details of what was happening, they knew that their mother was falling, financially and emotionally, at a critical point in their childhood. This hurt them immeasurably!)
Over a year later, the DOT followed through with what they wanted to do and suddenly gave me only three months to search for another house, find it, close on it, clean it, completely move into it, and thoroughly clean the home I was leaving, even though MY existing home was going to remain vacant. This was not nearly enough time for a good choice to be made! It was impossible to put my heart into finding another home when I had absolutely no way of knowing if they would even really follow through with the closing this time. I was in shock and under an immense amount of pressure. All of this was more traumatic than any words can even begin to express! They said that I could rent an apartment if I wanted more time. But I couldn’t rent a place, because they had taken my primary incomes. I could not use any of the equity I had in my property, because they said that they could not pay me for my home until I was already actually purchasing and closing on another one, even if I’d moved out of the existing one. And I could not purchase a house that was even close to being comparable to the one they were taking from me, because they had taken my business - my primary incomes, which prevented me from getting a mortgage with another bank!!!!! They had slammed me right up against a wall! I had to do what they dictated and pretend it was all OK so that they wouldn’t continue making things even worse for me.
Even during this process of finding another house, I had no real choices - not even in where we had to move to, because I was forced to just quickly buy the first thing I could afford, which was in my daughter’s school district, with what would be left of the equity in my home. At that time there were only two houses fitting this criteria. We picked the best of the two. But my daughters and I hated the place we moved to. It was a severe downgrade from what we were used to, and too far away from their friends...etc. We lost so much that it can’t even come close to being fully described. We completely lost every level of our lives, as we had lived them, and we were never able to regain any of it. NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING, in this whole deal had even a hint of consideration for the welfare of my daughters and I. I went through the final stages of it in such a deep state of shock and grief that I am, only now, over a decade later, finally beginning to face the depths of my pain, due to this horrible situation.
I had designed and built beautiful gardens and lily ponds around my Staniels road home, and the state refused to allow me to take any of my plants with me, as they took my home in October 1995. They said that I had no rights to any parts of my property because I’d applied for an “immediate, hardship acquisition”, but they hadn't told me any of this BEFORE they told me to apply for it.
After I moved out, someone had gone in and stolen my rose bushes...etc., and the state officials thought it was me who took them, but it really wasn’t. With what they put me through, I didn’t have the time or energy to even think about going back to save my gardens from them, no matter how much they meant to me. And I actually regret this. I wish I HAD been the one who’d taken my plants. I probably would have if it hadn’t felt too painful to go back and re-visit the beautiful home I’d lost. I never transplanted or re-planted any of my gardens. Someone else ended up with them. But I should have been allowed to take some of them with me as they took my home. I would have had that right/option in a sale to anyone else!!! As I stated earlier, the DOT had so many “rights” that there were none left over for me.
I feel that the DOT had no right to accuse me of stealing my plants when they are the ones who did all the stealing. They stole my incomes, my home, my beautiful gardens and lily ponds, my business, my future dreams, my freedom, my sense of security - my LIFE, as I’d lived it!!!! And it’s been a steady down hill slide since then. I never really had a chance to recover. I was literally too crushed, not only monetarily, but also emotionally. I felt broken and I didn’t have the resources to pull things back together, under the jobless circumstances they left me with. Even after it was all over, I still feared that they would do something to make me lose my next home if I said anything.
The ways they treated me, the loss of my jobs, their threats - their uniting with my bank to scare me into not talking to reporters, their not following through with closing dates and never even offering to compensate me for my business and other losses of income, due to their careless tactics. . .was all too horribly wrong!
The way I was forced, by my own government, to live in fear of completely losing my home, in constant fear of what would happen to my children and I...and in the humiliating levels of poverty, which they cast us into. . .as I was even forced to apply for food stamps and beg friends for money to cover the income that the NH DOT had taken from me, until they decided to follow through with their acquisition of my property, was all too horribly wrong to remain hidden. Their taking of my trust in the world I live in, on top of everything else they took from me, left me with a gaping wound that still bleeds. This hurt me more than words could ever begin to say.
I know that I can’t blame the NH DOT for all the things that have happened in my life since they did this to me. But the absolute Truth is that they destroyed my life when they took away my sources of income and left me destitute before and shoving my children and I down a road that we would NEVER have chosen on our own. This had severely ill effects on all three of our lives.
The NH DOT didn’t just rudely rip our home away. They didn’t just take away my incomes without ever doing anything to compensate me. They took my trust in the government I live under. They deprived my children and I of our need to feel safe in what is claimed to be a “free” state/country. They told lies to cover their own hurtful behaviors from the press, instead of altering those behaviors!!! They threatened me with the complete loss of my home, if I didn’t keep my mouth shut and just do what they told me to!!! The worst part of the damage was done to my heart - to the place where I had NEEDED to retain a sense of safety and security in MY home, in my community, in my government. A part of me STILL wants to scream,
All of what they did to my children and I was so horribly wrong that most of this will probably still be denied by those who did it. It was so inhumane that many people will probably not even believe that what I say here is True. But because it IS REALLY True, because I need to heal from it, and because I hate to think of this happening to anyone else, I must finally break the silence around it. It’s not OK for our government to treat people this way, no matter how much its denied. It’s just not OK.
Through this whole situation, it seemed like the DOT people were looking down on me BECAUSE I was in a struggling financially. To them, this seemed to make me less of a person than those who have more money! There was something horribly wrong with this, especially since my struggles, from the start, had been due to the fact that THEY were preventing me from doing what I NEEDED to be doing with MY own property - with my own life.
The DOT was careful not to put in writing, any of the harm they did to me. But it shows in some of the letters I wrote them. It shows in a letter I wrote with the gut wrenching pain, I felt, as my world crumbled under their hands. I remember that, after I’d mailed it, I felt guilty and ashamed to have let myself be reduced to the point of writing “F____ YOU” in large letters, across the last page. But now, after all these years, it stands as proof of what they were doing. Anyone who knows my calm, patient, spiritual nature can see, in this letter, the desperate levels of emotional pain they shoved me into before I sank into the silence of my broken heart. I apologized to them for reacting to what they were doing to me. But not one of them EVER showed any sort of sorrow or remorse for what they were doing to my children and I.
The primary NH DOT officials, who took my home and business, were, Mark Richardson, Richard Flynn, Wayne Husband, Charles O’Leary Jr. and Robert Greer. Other involved people were Robert Hayes, Robert Barry, Jeff Brilliant, Charles Schmidt as well as the officials in the Loudon Planning Board, who had pushed behind the scenes from the start.
Because this was a venting of my pain it went into some emotional extremes and did not include the good things that happened during that time. There was one DOT official who had tried to stand up for me and was removed from the case and had even apologized for not being able to do anything to help me. I have been concerned about him. Has he been targeted too? Probably. His boss appeared to be on the side of those who were targeting me. After this things got worse and the father of a friend had jumped in to help me. He called them and then they snapped into a better place. This wonderful man (my temporary dad) even came to sit in on the closing of the property just to be sure that I was treated kindly. Sadly he, and his family, have been targeted too, especially around 2005, which included his having a heart attack, the death of his son-in-law and his daughter (now my X friend) developing an aneurism and memory loss. The woman who had offered to buy my home, and had been renting a room from me, before the DOT moved in, has sustained severe brain damage and complete memory loss...etc. This is just too horribly sad for all of us. I feel that people inside the government, as well as people outside the government, were targeted (or silenced in some way) around this situation. God help us all.
I'd like to assure government officials that I have absolutely no intention of starting a lawsuit or any other sort of fight over my experiences with the DOT. I just want us all to regain our freedom. . .you too.
Now that I know more about the nature of the targeting I realize that America has been being targeted - that government officials, as well as common citizens, have been being targeted, some enslaved with mind control technologies and used in the program that targets us all. And some (like myself) targeted for years in a cruel Hitler style harassment and torture program. I have also realized that those who do the heaviest of the targeting often set things up so that the USA government gets blamed. Now that I know their tactics, it is even possible that they made this situation seem worse than it was. I can not be sure that all the phone calls I got were actually from DOT officials. And there is no way to know who targeted those who helped me through the situation. I can now be more objective.
However, this does not cancel out my right to have feelings about it, or my right to honor my past feelings, especially since this is what my work has been about. I probably wish this whole situation did not happen a lot more than anyone else does. It hurt then. And it still hurts. I hope that I will someday be free to finish recovering (in my own way) from all that has been happening to me and people whom I love. The general targeting is still hurting many of us. I hope freedom will soon be regained for all of us.