My New "Yearn for Freedom" Blog;

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Denial Doesn't Work

Sometimes, like today, I want to flip into denial and aim to get myself back onto my feet and out of this destitution prison they have held me trapped in. But as I aim to do so I am reminded of how they vamp up weapon attacks on my brain when I try to talk to people about a place to live or job...etc. This just happened again and is still happening.
   And there is no safe place for me to work...etc. If I go to a place where they have control they could and surely would use it as a place to either abduct me or harm me in some other way. And if I go to a place that they do not control,  it would be just a matter of a little time. And I am just so worn out and overwhelmed and sick of going in circles trying to figure out what to do when there is no safe place to go to help me start over and get back onto my own feet. I don't feel comfortable, at all, going to any place that the covert world tells me to go, because bad operates in that covert world, which is why it stays covert...etc.

Monday, April 22, 2019

They Appear to be sending emails from my account!

They appear to be sending emails fro my account. Am still getting bounce backs of undeliverable mail although I've not sent any emails. 
   When they wiped out my Heart Bud websites they also wiped out all of the documents I had saved on it. This is yet another sad loss for me - over a decade of my work gone and important evidence gone.
  Within an hour after the PI lady showing up at the Amherst library, and before I realized or wrote about my Heart Bud websites being wiped out after I'd accessed them there, the library did an update of their whole computer system.

Today, it appears that they blocked my Wisdom's Beacon for Freedom blog. I hope it is restored. It is a sacred part of my work and it should not be tampered with. None of it should be tampered with.

Saturday, April 20, 2019

The PI Lady Shows Up Again

   The PI Lady, which I had written about a year or two ago, showed up at the Amherst library again this morning and seems to be actually wanting me to either negatively react or call the police. She seems to control this whole situation. I told her that I'd be open to having a conversation with her if she is honest with me about who she is and what she did, but that otherwise, I'm not. She pretended that she did not know what I was talking about...and I walked out.
   Before she showed up, or as she did, a puppet said, "Excuse me." If she deserved excusing she'd have walked up to me and been honest instead of the same old dark games...etc. How can she expect excusing without her even delivering the excuse - without her explaining herself to me IF she was not really doing what she WAS doing in 2011? Its beyond me. I still think that she is a murderer type of person who intended harm and is still covertly harming me, which does not deserve excusing. Someday I will forgive her though, for my own sake.

Important Websites Gone!

The heart bud websites appear to have been removed from the web - completely taken out from under my Poetic Publication hosting - blocked from the web. They were an important part of my work. And I don't know if this is part of the plagiarizing stuff or something else. Please put them back.

My Heart Bud Sites:

Thursday, April 18, 2019

Another TI song

I cried all the way through this song.I'm still crying. The words... "Radiation penetrates you to the depths of your soul. The people sense the fear inside you, but they are mind controlled. You feel your body shake and tremble as they tear you apart. Because they unleashed every demon to steal your soul and heart... It hurts to see their desperation and hear they're lonely cries."  I know so well how it all feels.


A TI Song

I found this video about Targeted Individuals today. It has nice light hearted lyrics for our dark and heavy situation.


For all levels of Officials

 I am truly sorry if things I've written on this blog seem offensive or disturbing to any of you. I hope you will understand that my heart feels for you, especially those who may have had good intentions...etc., This is not about going against you or pointing a finger at you. In my heart I feel for you and want to understand and forgive...etc. I really do. I know I'm not doing a very good job with my writings, or with handling this confusing situation, but my intention is for this hell to completely end...for all of us - for you and me and my loved ones and America and the rest of humanity, in a way that does not let the darkness succeed. Too many have been being tortured or used by or influenced by or enslaved by the forces that intend harm to us all. And Freedom must be restored for all of us. I hope my stand helps far more than it hurts. I hope it does not hurt anyone at all.

Give us STRENGTH, God...to find our way through bullets hidden in microwaves, and COURAGE, God...to make a STAND that saves our lives and FREEs our land.

Monday, April 15, 2019

Return to Wisdom of the Earth's Medicine

 Return to Wisdom of the Earth's Medicine blog

   I've been working on this for about two weeks and going through hell with the targeting in the process, including heavy interference with brain function as well as painful physical tortures of a few different kinds. Its still not finished, and is not all that it should be, but it can't be under these conditions. I hope this blog of it is allowed to help people.I hope I can publish it.

 Give us STRENGTH, God...to find our way through bullets hidden in microwaves, and COURAGE, God...to make a STAND that saves our lives and FREEs our land.

Another Computer Disabled

   I had gotten another lap top, but it was infiltrated. The day before yesterday, they disabled it. All my files have been wiped out now. Originally they only wiped out the first one of the early stages of the book. And then they prevented me from using my Quark program - forced me to use the Word, as usual lately. I need to use Quark in order to do it the way I want to...etc. But I have had no choice.

I have been working on my Return to Wisdom of the Earth's Medicine book, which has yearned for creation for decades. And I have experienced a lot of torture and computer interference as well as severe levels of interference with my brain.

 Return to Wisdom of the Earth's Medicine blog

Saturday, April 13, 2019

Scary Torture Since Yesterday

   It feels like my whole neck and upper spine has been being radiated, causing a lot of pain and concern about a spinal damage.  I can sometimes feel the energy hitting me from the front and passing through my neck. Either they are damaging me for writing the statement below....etc, or they want me to think they are...

Please excuse my directness here. I was feeling very emotional due sensing a few things and just blasted this out. (I hope pharmaceuticals have not been being put into herbal remedies.) I will edit this part soon, but only because I knew I would have to.... not because I am being tortured.

Brainwashing Undermines Free Choice
   The call for choosing pharmaceuticals for health care has been the opposite from the one with using natural plants. Individuals using natural plants has been being discouraged, although it clearly is the healthiest way. There has even been an inconspicuous fight against it, which has been trying to make people believe that using natural plants is not safe. And using pharmaceuticals has often been pushed to the point where it can accurately be called brainwashings, which render people without a free and fully educated choice.
   We have been being brainwashed for many decades, with the "Doctor knows best," scenario. This has already been so deeply instilled that most people just take the pharmaceuticals without even questioning their safety or knowing that there is most often a far safer alternative in Natural Plants. And then people believe that the pharmaceutical/drug is what they have to have, in order to get healthy or to survive the illness...etc.
   There are many pharmaceuticals that have helped many people, including myself. They are not ALL bad. But I also feel that there are huge numbers of the pharmaceuticals (probably most) that are harming people and the brainwashings prevent people from even acquiring the levels of awareness that must be delivered, in order for free and educated choices to made.
   The brainwashings are VERY evident in the pharmaceutical commercials on TV, which should be illegal! In the commercials, they follow the law of listing the harmful side effects, BUT while they do this they displaying sweet, peaceful, loving types of scenes...which draws people to it. The impact of a scene can be stronger than the words and they know this, which is why they do it. Its a form of brainwashing that convinces a person it is good for them, even while words say that it isn't.
(Wouldn't it be horrible if the chemicals, in many of the pharmaceuticals, interfered with brain function in ways that make people more susceptible to various types of brainwashings? It is.)
When a person has been brainwashed into believing that they have to take a pharmaceutical, (or yet another pharmaceutical) in order to have a nice peaceful and loving life, they are not acting of their own free. And when they are even more directly told that they have to take the pharmaceutical, for the sake of their own health and survival, its just too horribly wrong, because there is often a far safer way, which those whom they have been convinced "know best" are not informing them of. There are other types of brainwashings happening as well.
   People should be completely free of all levels of brainwashings and fully informed of ALL known risks of the pharmaceuticals, and also fully informed when there are safer alternatives with directly using Natural Plants. When this is done they have a free and educated choice..., as long as their instincts are not too blocked by the pharmaceuticals that are already in their system, which is a serious problem too. Are you getting the picture?

This pharmaceutical situation obviously hit a point, long ago, when the aim to help people heal was mostly replaced with the aim to make money from their suffering. . .and the damages of this have been holocaustal. No exaggeration. May the full Truth be quickly shown.

And doctors do not always "know best", because (in general) they too appear to be brainwashed into thinking that the pharmaceuticals are the best or only way. A pharmacist once tried to convince me that ocean water would hurt my eyes if I used drops of it to heal an eye infection. Her training (or brainwashing) to stand against natural cures and push pharmaceuticals very obviously even overrode her common sense. People often swim in the ocean, and even open their eyes under water, and do not get hurt by it. Ocean water is not harmful at all. Its VERY healing and very safe. The ocean water quickly cured my eye infection. I'm glad I realized that I'm the one who knew best. But sadly, many people would have followed her advise and gone to a doctor to get a pharmaceutical. Things like this happen a lot.
   The doctor does not only not always know best, but has even often pushed people away from what is 100% good and healthy and toward what isn't....and who is benefiting from it? Not their patients. I feel that there is such extreme corruption in the whole medical system, especially in the arena of administering medication for illnesses, and the results of it can accurately be called a holocaust. And I suspect that the companies who do most of the pharmaceuticals may be behind the ones that have been aiming to take over the unstoppable movement toward natural healing...offering pre-made remedies of all sorts and still discouraging direct use of the plants - the safest and most effective way. Are some (or most) herbal remedies too weak to be effective...pushing people back to the pharmaceuticals? I think so. And worse than this may be happening. It feels horrible to even think that illnesses could be being inflicted upon people for the sake of just a few human beings getting extremely rich, but its not at all far fetched. I feel that this is a reality, which we all must realize and stop from continuing as quickly as possible.

We must take responsibility for our own health care and stop depending on others to do it for us, whether its done with pharmaceuticals or herbal remedies. We just must, and the only way to do that is to start growing our own medicine and directly use the Natural Plants.

When we can listen to our own instincts, we know what is best for us more than anyone else can.

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

When Pharmaceuticals Began Replacing the Use of Medicinal Plants

 Last week my state of overwhelm and my yearn to do something constructive, drove me toward focusing on something good and healing - Medicinal Plants. But... I ran into another interesting chain of events, which did not surprise me much at all. I have felt it all along. But I figured I should share it.

Natural plants were being heavily used for healing illnesses, up until around the late 1800s and early 1900s. Around the late 1800s and early 1900s was also when the birth of pharmaceuticals began, through combining chemicals with the plant remedies. Ironically this was also around the time when scientists, like Nikola Tesla, were experimenting with the effects of radio waves (scalar waves/microwaves/WIFI) being shot into the human body. In his experiments he studied their effect on the human brain and other body parts, and the Xray machines were invented. The use of pharmaceuticals, instead of plants, to heal illnesses, as well as the use of radio wave technologies, rapidly grew since then.


There was a time when using herbs for healing became dangerous and could actually cost a person their life, after being labeled as a witch for using them. According to a report I've read, much of the documentations of medicinal herbs were being destroyed around this time.

Different address from first posting here, due to it being altered on blog.
They took the word Wisdom out of my original address!

Monday, April 8, 2019

Lyrics Shared for Targeted Individuals

   I hope the lyrics of this song help sooth the pain of Targeted Individuals who are watched and judged and shamed while being tortured and harassed or drugged and controlled...etc. There really is a Light/Love that shines for all of us. I hope these lyrics remind you of that Light Love that is always here for us, that we do not have to go anywhere to find, and that is far stronger than the darkness that tries to blame us and shame us and then offers a helping hand...pretending to be God."On the nights when the dark lasts a little bit longer... When the fear in my heart digs a little bit deeper... Even when I've had more than I can take I know.... Your with me even then... When the days up ahead look a little bit brighter, but the grip of the past holds a little bit tighter. I'm reminded Your Grace never asks for perfection... I stand, forgiven."

A real Light/Love is shining for us, and our loved ones, to be set free - all levels of the targeting stopped, so that we can live our lives the way we were supposed to. It is.

Micah Tyler - Even Then 


Closer to the real Light

  A couple Christian songs really touched my heart this morning, in my car, which launched me into listening to others on youtube at a library. I couldn't find the one I heard this morning because, oddly, as it ended there were two horn beeps and the lyrics that I was about to write down completely vanished from my mind. But I found some other nice lyrics and parts of the one above reminded me of what many of us Torture Victims (TIs) need to reminded of.
   Even though many songs seem to be set up by the dark force that wants us to turn to it, as if it were God, and leave our lives in order to be set free, (which is really about being tortured into enslavement)...the lyrics can touch our Hearts and help give us strength to carry on and not let that darkness succeed. Its all a matter of perception. Some of what they do, through people whom they use, can actually work against them.

I picture the real God's Love/Light when they play a song for me that is about trusting and following them...and it actually brings me further away from them and closer to where I need to be - closer to the real Light.

P.S. I also share this for all other people, including (and perhaps even especially for) the officials that I have written about. My fear really does run away with me sometimes, because there is much to fear that has been hurting us all. My situation is extremely difficult for me and there is much that has been too confusing and scary and questionable. And I just want it all to end so badly that I can hardly stand another day, sometimes. In my heart I know that real Light/Love is shining for them too; It is shining for Obama and Senator Shaheen and the FBI and our Military and the Sheriffs and the State Police and the Local Police...etc. It is shining for their freedom and safety too. We all need it and we all have it. Its already here for us. It is.

Thursday, April 4, 2019

Dear God,

   I still feel that technological and pharmaceutical mind control is the most destructive part of the targeting of humanity, and that complete awareness and Freedom from it will solve most, if not all, of the other problems we are faced with, because it will restore our Hearts and instincts and intuition and conscience...etc. Please take action and help pray...

Dear God, 
Please shine a strong Light for all victims of enslavement to become aware and regain complete Freedom. Please shine a strong Light for all of us torture victims to become aware and regain complete Freedom. Please shine a strong Light for all targeted families to become aware and regain complete Freedom. Please shine a strong Light for all mind control victims to become aware and regain complete Freedom. Please shine a strong Light for all citizens to become aware and regain complete Freedom. Please shine a strong Light for all government officials to become aware and regain complete Freedom. Please shine a strong Light for all countries to become aware and regain complete Freedom. Please shine a strong Light for all of the world to become aware and regain complete Freedom.

Please help expose and stop technological
 and pharmaceutical mind control

Give us STRENGTH, God...to find our way through bullets hidden in microwaves, and COURAGE, God...to make a STAND that saves our lives and FREEs our land.

Wednesday, April 3, 2019

Freedom's Beacon

Please share my Freedom's Beacon blog with people. I took my name off of it for those of you who are ashamed of my other writings. Please at least let this part of my writings reach and help people. Please.

Freedom's Beacon Blog

We Should NOT Be Forced to Leave Our Lives

Its not us torture victims that should be torn from our
lives - its the targeting that should be torn from our lives.

I am still deeply concerned that genuine, long term victims, have been vanishing, seemingly without a trace of them left behind...for decades now, and that this still appears to be the plan for me. I am still certain that the covert rescue leads to complete enslavement in the same program that does the targeting. This should not be happening. It should be stopped and enslaved victims set free and returned to their lives.

It has been only the victims who become aware who get the "rescue" and torture victims who do not know what is happening to them keep on being tortured...because its not a real rescue - its about silencing and enslaving. Please! We need more to realize this and stop it from continuing.

The targeting should be stopped -
It can be and should be - all of us set free.

Follow up on Official Stuff

      After my recent post about my experiences with officials, I want to make it clear that my stand is not an aim to go against them. I have no intention of doing a lawsuit...etc. And this is not about blaming them.
   Part of what has helped me to hang in here for as long as I have has been the hope of it all ending with the officials who have had good intentions talking to me in person, explaining things and helping me to feel better about it all. Intentions are more important to me than anything else in this situation. Even after all the hell they have put me through (or held me in) I could forgive good officials who proved to have had good intentions. In my heart I know that this complex crisis must be hell for many of them to deal with as well. I feel for them, especially the ones who have been unwittingly used or completely enslaved, because they are victims too...like many of my loved ones are.
   The problem is that I do not know their intentions or if they are even free to follow only their own hearts and instincts and if the higher level officials even want Freedom from the most damaging parts of the targeting - the technological and pharmaceutical mind control. I wish I knew for sure. The lower levels of officials appear to be too unaware and victimized themselves. Awareness and Freedom is desperately needed for everyone.
   And I count too. This covert situation has been going on for too long and I am feeling too damaged by it and it APPEARS that it has no intention of ending and appears to intend to just finish destroying me or continue trying to torture me into leaving my life "forever"...etc.
   I can accept that officials do not want to be fully here for me. But I can't accept this covert hell continuing, especially since they leave no light at the end of this horribly torturous tunnel. I just need it all to end.
   I feel that its actually been happening since at least 2011 and probably even sooner than that. I became aware of it in June of 2013. Its now 2019. Its been at least almost six years of being tortured even worse than I had been prior to that, and of being kept too destitute and isolated and imprisoned in the vehicle I live in...,after desperately reaching for help so that the opposite could happen. Its a miracle that I have survived it this long. It really is.
  I hope there are some officials who can care about me and how hard this is for me and what it has been doing to me. But I don't know if there are any. For years I figured that time would tell. And I feel that I have given it enough time. I'm hurting here - I'm hurting so bad that I can hardly stand it and I am imprisoned in a situation where I can not even freely process my feelings...etc. And I sense a lot of other people who are continuing to suffer...no help ever intending to arrive for them. Even aside from the technological tortures, and harassment and terrorizing that has been being inflicted upon me, this whole situation is excruciatingly painful for me. I know that I can not hang on much longer and still hope to recover from it in this lifetime. I just can't. Its been hurting me too much and I need it to end.

I want the official covert stuff to completely end and not with it continuing with new/different officials. This really is not about being against the officials I listed. However, I do not believe in the covert wars and ways and I have never wanted to be used for bait in wars, which has made this all very difficult to tolerate and I just can't tolerate it anymore, no matter what really is or is not happening, because it has never been clearly and directly explained to me. I have waited and waited with only the hope that it would prove to be at least some good that was happening, in the end. But it never ended at the uncountable number of times that it promised to. As it continued, year after year, after year...I have been barely surviving and being slowly destroyed, in the ways that are most important to me...and have not been really living my life at all. This can't go on forever or until I am completely destroyed. It just can't, but it seems to intend to. I feel that there are things I can do to help humanity with this crisis if I were not isolated and imprisoned by it and were not still being tortured and drugged and terrorized...etc. There are things that I need to do with what is left of my life and I have been so wounded, at this point, that I do not know if I will be able to fully recover and carry on with my life and I can't feel good about this.
I am being extremely objective here. I hope it is deserved and appreciated.

P.S. No, I can not change my feelings due to what appears to be either covert coercions or threats naming one of my daughters. Both of my daughters (as well as the rest of my loved ones) are victims too, just in different ways, and they should also be set free. It appears that most of my loved ones have been being completely enslaved and a lot of witnesses and evidence destroyed, while I wait for this covert stuff to end and for officials to be here for us and America and the rest of humanity. This, too has been extremely painful for me.

My losses have been excruciating - my grief too immense to handle while remaining trapped in this situation. I need it all to end even if officials are not going to ever be here for me/us. We should be totally set free right here in our lives. It is possible and should happen.

Actually, all levels of the targeting should completely stop for the rest of humanity too.
It can happen and should. I'm not nearly the only one who needs it, but I count too. 

Tuesday, April 2, 2019

Inconspicuous Microwave Attack

   Last night I was inconspicuously attacked with microwaves aimed at my whole lower torso, effecting an organ function. This whole official covert situation, which I wrote about in this blog yesterday, has often appeared like it is ending with getting rid of me, one way or another, if it can not silence me and continue using me...which is partly why I am writing it out and begging for it to stop. I hope all of this reaches good officials who can help set the victims and America and the rest of humanity free. Its not too late for others, even if is too late for me...but I hope its not too late for me too. 

Give us STRENGTH, God...to find our way through bullets hidden in microwaves, and COURAGE, God...to make a STAND that saves our lives and FREEs our land.

Monday, April 1, 2019

Universities Involved or Used?

I have sensed that, aside from medical facilities, Universities have also been being either used for or involved in, the enslavement of human beings.  If its true, I hope it is stopped.

My Experiences With Officials

    I don't mind publicly saying this, because I know that nothing happens to me without those who watch and listen knowing, even when it is covert. I'm sure that those who target me know a lot more about the covert stuff that happens around me than I am. (Covert works for the bad, but not for the good, in situations like this, which has raised concerns and doubts in me.) This is just a quick overview from my heart....
   My experiences with officials, which have been mostly covert, have been confusing, sometimes building hope and sometimes destroying hope and sometimes scary and painful. My stand is for their freedom too.
   The local police, state police and sheriffs have often appeared to have been being used in the covert program that targets me. Many of my experiences with them have felt confusing or scary and sometimes even threatening. I feel that most of them had good intentions and that most are unaware victims of the dark covert program. Many have even been completely enslaved, which is horribly sad. I hope they regain their freedom.
   My experiences with the FBI have been similar to that of lower levels of law enforcement - its been  confusing and even painful on many occasions. . .constantly building hope and then crushing it, both covertly and overtly, and sometimes even seeming to be a threat to my safety, as they covertly aimed to set me up to be arrested and appear to have often used police officers to threaten me or set me up in various ways...etc.  They appear to be heavily infiltrated and into the covert war stuff (like the others) and seem to have no real intention of ever being here for us in the ways that we need it. Most seem to be used in or are a part of the dark covert program. I have felt that some have had good intentions, but appeared to have been prevented from standing up for us. Some appear to have been completely enslaved. I hope they regain their freedom and can become all that we need them to be.
   My experiences with Senator Shaheen and President Obama were confusing and mostly covert, but with some direct contact. Both gave me hope. But then that hope was torn away with a conference call from Senator Shaheen, which covertly stated that, "Officials are not going to make a stand on this" and then seemed to be supporting the "mental illness" aim/threat, instead of the truth, like the FBI has done. Like with everything else, I have been concerned about what the intentions really are and have been waiting for them to be proven to be good, if that is the truth. (I don't know for sure if things are getting better or worse and this makes it all extremely difficult for me, especially since they SEEM to be getting worse.)  Two of her secretaries appear to be victims of complete enslavement, which makes it impossible to get past them to her even if she really would be here for me/us. I hope some of this was my misperception, but some could not have been. Hope was also torn away when I found that my print out of Obama's email was stolen and the print out of my blog post about it was swapped with another one as well as the date and content changed on my blog. I had initially thought that Obama was going to make a stand for the victims and for freedom to be restored in America, but it ended up going in the opposite direction and this was heart wrenching for me.
    Over and over again I have thought that officials just need time. This would surely be understandable. But its been years. Many years! Many times, I have vented and given them hell, in the privacy if my car, especially during times when I am being painfully tortured and my brain function interfered with in ways that induce extreme anger. In 2012 I had even angrily barged into an FBI office, after getting no response to many reports and calls, and said, "You have a responsibility to the citizens of this country!" That probably did not help my situation. But I would think that they would understand that my anger comes from the excruciating pain that I am being inflicted with. But it seems like all officials have sometimes been misjudging me, while I am being tortured and my brain function interfered with and sometimes even drugged, instead of being here for me/us, and this has felt horrible. My heart has repeatedly cried, why on earth would they not understand that a torture victim is not going to be perfectly functional while still being trapped in and hurt by the targeting...etc.?
    I'm sorry that my pain, and the suffering that continues to be inflicted upon me, makes me impatient. But who wouldn't feel this way in my situation? Its an indescribable hell that I have been forced to continue enduring, year after year after year.... and its hurting me, even slowly destroying me as well as others, and I want it to stop ASAP, because it has been hurting me too much and I don't even have trust in it and I want to be able to recover and have my life back and do the things that I am supposed to be doing with my life.
   But the covert messaging from officials switched from repeated promises to make a stand and be here for us (which proved untrue and kept me hanging and waiting for many years) to covert declarations stating that they never will be making a stand to be here for us and that things will remain the way they are. This has been discouraging beyond description, especially since, from the start of all this (even every new aspect of it as it happened) I have not felt sure of official intentions and if things are getting better or worse. In and around my situation things have been have been getting worse, and they seem to be getting worse in other places too. And I have had an extremely hard time with covert methods. I just really can't even deal with them. I don't belong in a covert world or situation. I was desperate for the targeting to stop by the year 2012. I was begging for the official covert stuff to stop since it began. And I was severely desperate for the official covert stuff to completely stop by the end of 2013. I don't feel comfortable with covert stuff. I don't trust it. I don't believe in it. I have been painstakingly waiting for it to be stopped since it started. And my heart has been telling me to not trust anything that is not openly standing in the Light, since around the end of 2013 and I still feel the same way. I am deeply sorry that my feelings have not matched that of these officials who have been involved in my situation. I do not want to unfairly blame or judge any of them. I have been waiting for reassurance of good happening and not just bad, but it seems to have no intention of ending in a functional way that is good for me too. And I do have a right to feel the ways I do and I think they would feel the same way if they were in my situation and had been through what I have for as long as I have. I actually do not know if the official covert stuff is something good happening or if it is just part of the targeting. It has seemed more and more like its just part of the targeting that wants me to be silent or forced to leave my life one way or the other. If I were sure it was all good I'd feel differently, but I'm not at all. This has been hurting me, as well as others, and I have tolerated it for many long and excruciating years. And I do not want to be forced to tolerate anymore, especially since it appears to want to either continue forever or end with getting rid of me one way or another. At this point, I feel so wounded, and my life has been so sabotaged, that I do not know if I will be able to fully recover and do what I need to do with the rest of my life.

P.S. If there were good/uncontrolled officials who needed my help, I needed it to not be covert (I needed it to happen in person and with a chance for trust to be built) and for their expectations to be clearly and directly explained to me and then for them to give me a free choice. I have felt, from the start, that I could help far more if I were not still being tortured and drugged and harassed and threatened...etc. I wish this is the way it was, but this could only work with officials who have good intentions...etc.  I wish things had not gone the way they did. But, because they did, and due to some of the ways that I have been being treated, it has often seemed like it has actually been a 
vengeance and them trying to wear me down and force me into enslavement or silence in some other way. It has often felt like it was all about controlling me under the guise of it being to help. And some of it has felt like covert wars between different people and different officials, and I do not believe in wars, so this has felt horrible to me. I hope to find out the absolute Truth and I hope it is not what it has already started proving itself to be. Things don't look good for me...or many others and this is very hard to face.
   I have hoped for a positive resolution with at least some of officials who have been covertly involved in my situation, but their Hearts would have to be free and they'd have to be willing to stand behind their actions and talk to me about it, in order for that to happen. A positive resolution obviously can not happen with those who had ill intentions and/or prefer to pretend that I am either not really being targeted or am a bad person or am just "mentally ill"...etc. It probably can not happen with those who just want to keep engaging in covert wars, instead of standing up for freedom for each other and us and America and the rest of humanity. I don't believe in wars and want no part in them, but can respect the fact that others feel differently as long as its not using me.
   Overall, I feel indescribably sad about this whole situation. I wish things were not the way they are or seem. ALL of the covert stuff has been so confusing and so hurtful/damaging to me and so questionable (as for real intentions) and so untrustworthy and has continued for so long (with no end in sight) that I just can not do anything but beg for it to completely stop and hope that my wishes are respected. I wish the covert stuff and all other parts of the targeting would now come to a complete end, at least for me even if it truly can't for everyone.

Please stop. Please set me free.

P.S. The evening after posting this I was inconspicuously attacked with microwaves aimed at my whole lower torso, effecting an organ function. This whole official covert situation has appeared like it is ending with getting rid of me, one way or another, if it can not silence me and continue using me...which is why I am writing it out and begging for it to stop. I hope all of this reaches good officials who can help set the victims and America and the rest of humanity free. Its not too late for others, even if is too late for me...but I hope its not too late for me too. 

Aware Victims vs. Unaware Victims

 Aware Victims Have Been Being Silenced and 
Unaware Victims Left to Continue Suffering.

This should not be happening. Please stop it from continuing. 

   If torture victims who become aware (Targeted Individuals) continue to either vanish or be threatened or tortured into silence or be falsely declared "mentally ill," how is help ever going to reach all the UNaware victims, since "officials are not going to make a stand on this" like Senator Shaheen covertly said to me? This is a question that has been bleeding in my heart for almost six years now. It appears that the only Torture Victims who get "help" are the ones who become aware, and that "help" is covert and aims to either get rid of or recruit or to falsely declare "mentally ill"...because its about silencing and not really about helping. This should change no matter what does or does not intend to happen in my situation.

The Covert Paper Thing

   For almost six years now, (since I started realizing more of the covert stuff) they have had a lot of puppets suddenly displaying news papers near me at times when I am begging for the covert stuff to stop and for officials to stand up. I used to think it was part of the demand for me to alter my writings or to erase my papers that were about the targeting from the web, in order to get help - in order for officials to stand up, because these sorts of things have been happening.
   But, yesterday, due to a dream I had and the news paper display thing VERY obviously happening again, I realized what its really about. Its another one of the threats to find me at fault with something if I do not join the covert program and be happy/silent with it. According to this dream, and another one I had long ago, there is something that is possibly about an advertisement in my work papers, that officials want to use against me if I do not conform and accept remaining trapped in this horrible situation forever. What is it? I don't know for sure and I am too overwhelmed to figure it out. Its probably something they set up from the start. I was being heavily targeted when I started creating those papers in 2007, and I was not yet aware of the computer infiltrations...etc.
   This actually does not concern me much, except for what they could do to me if they get a hold of me on some drummed up charge, because I know I did nothing wrong, or certainly did not intend to. And this is not nearly the only threat that has been being delivered, in order to force me either into leaping out of my life forever or into being silent about key parts of the targeting or into joining and being happy/silent with the covert program. If they have their way I could be framed and publicly displayed as a pedophile, a prostitute, a lesbian, a thief, a murderer, a perpetrator instead of the torture victim that I am... and now something bad about one of my work papers...and possibly imprisoned in an extremely unsafe place. I hope they do not get their way with any of it. I hope TRUTH wins.

I still want to be set free.

   They also recently had officials in a town office say things like, "Nothing else is going to be done," and repeatedly "You have to take the next step," which appears to be about officials never standing up for us and about pushing me to either leap out of my life and into perminent enslavement/silence or accept and join and obey the covert program. This was done while offering help and then depriving me of it. They also seemed to be trying to trigger me into anger in front of two witnesses. I walked out in tears after saying, "The covert program that uses you is dark as hell, I hope you soon realize..."