My New "Yearn for Freedom" Blog;

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

A Prayer and a Rude Awakening

   Last night and this morning I had prayed hard for God to help me release my anger and fear...etc., and I was aiming to edit or erase some of my recent blog posts and try to let my heart lead. I have gone through this process a lot. I didn't follow through this morning, because I was again hit with the devastating reality of my situation and I don't know how to handle it and I can not fully follow only my own heart while still being targeted. And I have become concerned that I may have erased too much of my writings, in order to not discourage good officials who could be here for us and in order to be allowed to get the bits of financial help, from mostly controlled paces, that have kept me surviving on some levels, while I wait for them to be. Some of these sources of help have been cut off and I am extremely distressed about my survival. It appears that, after isolating me they have forced me to become dependent on them so they could use that to manipulate me through depriving me at strategic times. I feel too horribly trapped for too long now. And genuine NONcovert help has still not showed up.
   Out of desperation I recently asked my father for help, even though he is a mind control victim who appears to have been programed not to help me very much, especially during times of dire need. Nothing has changed there. They appear to have even had him send me nothing but a note that was clearly an aim to trigger me while I was being technologically tortured. Those who target us appear to have wanted me to angrily lace into my father, but I laced into them instead. My father is a victim too, as are all my loved ones, in various ways. I know he would help me, as much as he could, and be a safe person for me to turn to, IF he were completely free and able to follow his own Heart, but he's not and the control of him appears to have gotten worse in the past few years, while I have been begging for and waiting for, the proper kinds of help for all of us. The fact that I have failed to get good protective help for all of us is my greatest pain through the past few years. Hopefully my writings have helped others, but I now know that at least some of my writings have been being blocked from the public, as well as altered and I am deeply concerned that they, as well as my emails and snail mail and phone, have been too controlled.

So how do I let go of my anger? I can't, while trapped in this situation, and God can not do it for me either. My anger has grown from the well of pain that I carry for myself and my loved ones and the rest of humanity, as our suffering has grown through being either tortured or enslaved or controlled or cruelly used or spiritually killed or physically killed...etc. Its an excruciating pain and I have not had the freedom or the privacy or the safety that I have desperately needed, in order to process my feelings and heal them, for far too long now. I still vent some of it through verbally blasting them in the supposed privacy of my car, because I know they can hear me. . .but then they tend to seek revenge on me, which just adds more to it. Its a vicious cycle and I want out of this trap so badly its beyond words, but there appears to be no way out, accept their sick covert enslavement/rescue thing and I am not doing that.

The first line of my recent song keeps echoing from the depths of my aching heart. . .
Oh, Dear Lord please set us free.
Why has it not happened?

Give us STRENGTH, God...to find our way through bullets hidden in microwaves, and COURAGE, God...to make a STAND that saves our lives and FREEs our land.