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My New "Yearn for Freedom" Blog;
www.yearnforfreedom.blogspot.com

Thursday, March 15, 2018

The Lost Garden

The Lost Garden
copyright 3/15/2018 by Sharon Rose Poet 

   In 2002 I had soul searched about what to do after a chain of painful and disturbing experiences. And I had decided that I needed to heal from it all before I launched into the plans I had for my work. I'd decided to finish resurrecting my "Embracing Feelings" book, which had been lost in a fire, and let go of my plans to create a formal recovery center, since it would distract me from my own needed recovery. I felt emotionally blocked and knew I needed to do something to open myself back up. I assumed that I was in a state of shock and needed a more comfortable and peaceful and private place to heal from all that had happened to me. (My Embracing Feelings book is now "Embracing Sadness" but it is not the same as it had been before it was destroyed.)
   I decided to buy a large piece of land in a peaceful private setting, and build a garden. I had planned to focus on prayer and healing while I worked in it. I wanted to build it with my own sweat and tears, literally, and then open it to the public as a place where people, who are going through tough times, could pray or grieve and heal. I'd planned to set it up to remain a public property after I passed on, like a healing park that people could visit.
   This was a primitive version of my original plans for a retreat/recovery center in a home, and it felt like a much better plan. Doing this was extremely important to me. I needed to build the garden for myself. And I felt that it could also help others, after I had finished it. I excitedly drew up plans for it. I had it all designed. It was to have pathways through trees and flowers and lily ponds that were shaped like hearts and teardrops and a statue of a woman in the center - one hand on her Heart and her face gazing up at the sky. At her feet, the point of a teardrop shaped lily pond. It was to have benches in little tucked away places, between vines, fruit trees, herbs and pampas grass, where people could find privacy.
   It was a good solid plan that would have been as good for me as it could eventually be for others. My heart yearned to start it. I just had to figure out where I was going to do it. I wanted a warmer climate than the North East, so that I could plant types of flowers and trees that had not grown well on the properties I'd owned in New Hampshire. The ten acres I'd just purchased in the Adirondack wilderness was even colder and not suitable since it was on a private road and could not be opened to the public and was not as private or peaceful as I'd thought it would be when I purchased it.
   I decided on a visit to West Virginia, where I thought I could find an affordable property that was surrounded by wilderness. Then my world flipped upside down again, with the loss of a loved one and then family turmoil and then my plans vanished from my mind. How could this have happened? How could I let myself be distracted from something that was so important to me? After yet another chain of losses I needed to be purchasing that property and working on my garden more than ever. I needed a long stretch of peaceful time in a place that contained total privacy, so that I could walk and pray and dig my hands into the Earth and cry when I wanted to, scream if I wanted to and pray out loud. . .only God and I in the beautiful healing energy of nature. I'd never needed anything so much as I needed that. But I ended up heading in the opposite direction and I now understand why. This is the saddest part.
   I didn't know that, while I wondered why my emotions were so blocked, and while I was making plans to set myself up in a place where I could open myself back up, I was being watched by people who utilized satellite surveillance as well as laser weapons, that interfered with my thought process as well as my emotions. Around this time I'd had a dream, which showed a man dealing drugs in my home and I now understand what it meant, although I didn't at the time. I was being drugged, either through things I'd touch or through something put into my food in my own home. I have since learned that the technological mind control that is being used on human beings is more effective with certain types of drugs/pharmaceuticals. And those who intrusively watched and targeted me did not want me to be healing from the destruction that THEY had actually been causing in my life.
   To make a long story short, they were literally brainwashing me and my life's work ended up taking the route that they wanted - the route that enabled them to literally suck away my energy and money and leave me destitute and even more wounded. Needless to say, this has been extremely devastating to me.
   I am still being held in that surveillance prison. The targeting is not as subtle as it was back then – its not just inflictions that seem like natural physical illnesses and chains of bad luck, but sometimes painful tortures with laser weapons and threats to keep silent about it all or be labeled as "mentally ill" and institutionalized….etc. Sometimes they even technologically torture me during the rare times when I start to cry/grieve and this, on top of all the other things that have been happening to me, and people whom I love, has been literally destroying me. . .on the inside. I do not know if I will ever be able to recover from it all, even if the miracle of regaining my freedom were to ever happen.
   I am now nearly sixty years old and trapped and destitute and living in a vehicle. I do not know if I will ever be able to get back on my feet and build my garden and have it be all that I needed it to be for myself as well as others. It appears extremely unlikely. But, in my fantasy dreams I work in my garden; I plant flowers and herbs and fruit trees. . . and I build stone walkways and lily ponds and a statue of the woman I could have been. . .and I cry and heal and pray for freedom. I guess my garden is not completely lost, because it still exists in my heart. But I wish it were real. I wish I’d had the freedom to do the things that I had needed to be doing with my own life, especially things that were for the sake of my own health as well as that of others.

Give us STRENGTH, God...to find our way through bullets hidden in microwaves, and COURAGE, God...to make a STAND that saves our lives and FREEs our land.