My New "Yearn for Freedom" Blog;

Thursday, August 31, 2017

Don't You Feel it Too?

Don't you feel it too?

I feel it. Don't you feel it too - 
The hearts crying and needing you
To open Freedom's lost door;
The pain, the agony, the suffering,
Beneath holocaustal crimes,
Of those who do not even know
And need your hearts and mine?
Don't you feel it too -
Their need for a kind hand?
Don't you feel it too -
Their need to understand?
Don't you feel it too -
The death of the sane?
Don't you feel it too -
The heart wrenching pain?
Don't you?


I wrote this while processing some of my feelings yesterday. Am really struggling with all that has been happening. I don't trust or understand the covert world that surrounds and hounds me. And there is too much cause for concern for myself as well as the rest of humanity. I used to feel better after venting my feelings in poems. But I didn't yesterday.

 copyright Sharon R. Poet

I honestly have not wanted to blame.
I just need to end the cruel game.
Help shouldn't hurt me more than others
What happens to my children...etc., and brothers
While I still wait for the wars to end -
For the hell to stop and you to be our friend?
I'm sorry. I truly am. Believe what I say.
I didn't want things to go this way.
Two thousand thirteen and fourteen
Extended way too far beyond mean
We paid the cost in too much lost
And its time to sooth it clean.
Oh God, it hurt. I screamed and cried,
"Stop. Please stop!" Don't wonder why.
Then hope and trust continuously slashed
Around threats to throw it in the trash.
But now I know I misunderstood -
Its the Truth to you that is "not good"?
Where are you now? Where does it show -
In plans to silence the ones who know?
You'll "say I'm crazy" if I don't bow too,
And so I'll be totally nuts of I do.
What do I do and where should I turn
In a covert world that needs to learn
How to care and be honest and direct?
What in this mess deserves my respect?
I try to find it and reach out to give.
"For better or worse" is how we forgive.
But I'm still trapped here under the threats
And genuine help hasn't reached us yet.
Fading in a prison where I don't belong.
Cast to the wolves for singing fear's song?
Where is it? I wonder - where is the good?
And why can't things go as they should?
Is it getting better or just getting worse,
Under covert covers for the darkest curse,
Where pills and radio waves aim for control
Of innocent Hearts and defenseless souls,
And victims suffer beneath false blame
Or are enslaved under a different name?
What Hearts intend to stand up tall
And stop humanity's most lethal fall?
Who can care to even understand
My grope for help with trembling hand,
For all who needed to be set free
While wars imprisoned the heart of me?
Perhaps it was all a terrible mistake
That must be realized before its too late.
My soul bleeds, but still wants to hope
For your Hearts to cast a kind, helpful rope.
But I can't change your minds or choices.
Oh please hear all the pleading voices -
Suffering souls crying, "please set us free,"
For you and them and us and me. . .
And the future of all humanity.

No Matter What

   I beg good officials to let your hearts openly be here for us, as quickly as possible, no matter what we publicly write or do not write, no matter what we say or do not say... while being trapped in this torturous public prison.

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

No Place to Hide

 Technological Mind Control and its Covert Secret Society; There is no hiding from it. You are either enslaved by it or your Heart is openly standing up to stop it from continuing.

If you are being targeted by it you are enslaved by it
If you know and remain silent you are enslaved by it.
If your hiding from it you are enslaved by it.
If you do not know about it you are enslaved by it.
If you are used by it you are enslaved by it.
If you joined it you are enslaved in it.
If you are technologically protected you are enslaved by it.

Please stand up for Freedom from it.

A Quote That Says a Lot

"Bright lights cast dark shadows
when shone from only one direction."

I found this quote in a puzzle book. Says a lot doesn't it?

Saturday, August 26, 2017

My Preference is Still the Same as it Always Has Been

   As I continue to be surrounded by confusing covert stuff, which even stated, a week or two ago, that it has to be this way for the rest of my life, and that I need to chose who or what I want to covertly work with. . .my heart sinks and hope is being shredded. I know that I am not supposed to die, either psychologically or physically, while surrounded by covert wars, which I do not even believe in. I feel that there are far more important things that I am meant to do with my life, which I need Freedom for - freedom for myself, all of my loved ones and other fellow human beings. I feel that my whole situation had gone in a negative direction at least five years ago and it has been extremely difficult for me to deal with. Perhaps some of it had a good result, that was meant to be, and I will be glad if it did. However I feel that this has already gone on for too long and I do not feel comfortable with any of the covert stuff. I absolutely can not agree to continuing to be held in this torturous prison for life. I beg ALL officials to please stop the covert stuff and stand up for us and America and humanity. I have been waiting for things to get better for you, so that you can be here for all of us. Please let your HEARTS show up.

   My "preference?" My preference has ALWAYS been genuine good, honest, validating, caring, NON-covert, protective help that can be here for me and my loved ones and others who are being either tortured and harassed or enslaved...etc. I have been VERY clear on this through all these years. Anything in my writings, to the contrary, was either not written by me, was altered by those who infiltrate my computers or was not written of my own free will. (There are a few things that I can understand could have been misunderstood by those who have covert agendas. I can not blame them for misunderstanding, but my intentions and preferences have been being made VERY clear, all along.)

I believe in the following things that I wrote around the end of 2011;

"The only way to end this is for us to quickly
Unite into the grandest PEACEFUL stand for
that humanity has ever had to perform."

"Lets face this
With determination to preserve humanity,
With gentle hands reaching out to those in need,
With peaceful non-acceptance of the evil seed."

"Never, in the history of humanity, has there been a more devastating holocaust or a more crucial time for us to open our hearts and unite into a peaceful regaining of our freedom and basic human rights."

Please Understand

   My doubt is justified, due to my situation. My heart keeps telling me that time will tell. And I do not think that the ongoing puppet threats of withholding help due to ANY part of my writings is from genuinely good officials. Its darkness that demands blind trust or else etc.... I want help from those who can care to stand in the Light and understand our predicament.

Another Torturous Night

   I experienced hours of technological torture last night. it flipped from lasering of various body parts, causing pain and itching for several hours. This has been an ongoing thing, but lasted longer last night. Then painful heart attack symptoms, microwaving of my lungs and then pain in my head done one after the other for a few minutes of each. . . like I have experienced before and seems like a sort of threat, which says, "see what I can do to you if you do not conform..."  I see. I already know. And I beg you to find your Hearts.

   Am feeling very sad lately. The whole FBI thing is devastating to me. Lot of puzzle pieces clicking together in between rounds of torture. I pray for Light to shine on them and turn this around.

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Almost too Hard to Face and Write

   My situation feels more life threatening than ever, lately. Puzzle pieces are starting to click together around my experiences with the Bedford FBI and Senator Shaheen and I am deeply concerned. I Hope for a positive, honest resolution to this whole situation which has been ongoing, in the confusing covert messaging as well as direct experiences.   I hate to have to write this, but am more concerned about what could happen if I don't than I am about what could happen if I do. There is too much to this situation, but this is the core of the most recent round. I'm sure that many could get upset over my writing this, but I hope the genuine good will understand and eventually explain and the bad will be prevented from inflicting further harm.
   On August 14, 2017, around 9am, I was lured to the Bedford FBI office under the guise of them being ready to help us - to stand up and be here for me. When I got there they set up a scenario that aimed to make me rush through a security door, in order to get help. Then, after that didn't work two agents set up a scenario that was VERY obviously trying to provoke me into anger. It appears that both of these setups were them trying to find reason to arrest me - possibly to confiscate me and what is left of my writings. I did feel angry and almost burst into tears, but nothing that warranted legitimate concern. This was not the first time this sort of thing - the luring me in for help in order to slam a door in my face, has happened, but it was the worst and most obvious. I do not believe it would have been a good thing, if I had let them instigate cause to arrest me, because I had a dream, long ago, which showed that a woman in the FBI was doing things to try to trigger me and that I would only be OK if I did not get angry. I trust that the dream was a forewarning of a danger.
   After this, and while I was also being terrorized with the disabling of my car and off and on technological tortures, I experienced another round of covert messaging that appeared to be from Senator Shaheen, which has also been an ongoing thing around the FBI stuff. Messages were basically that help would be here for me right away if I call her. So I called and no help came. And then messaging said that help would be here for me if I finally send a copy of the investigation permission paper I signed three years ago. I sent it and no help or Overt response. But there have been some more VERY dark set ups that I have had to work at avoiding. I am not sure of what her intentions are - if she really wants to help me or if she is just using me while I continue being tortured and threatened and harassed. I guess time will tell.
   With the covert stuff I can not be sure of who is doing what most of the time. But I feel that they are all watching and are all genuinely involved in this situation. I even now wonder if they are working together and if this latest scenario was all a set up to "wipe the slate clean" and start over as has been suggested many times through the past five years. But no matter what their intentions are or aren't at this point, I have felt uncomfortable with all the covert stuff from the start. I have been waiting for good solid/Overt explanations and reassurances...etc., but have been getting the opposite and this is deeply disturbing.
   By around the end of 2011 I had turned to a lot of places for help with, and protection from, the technological targeting for myself as well as my loved ones, and instead of getting help, ended up surrounded by more hell than any human being should have to tolerate. In this hell there have been repeated attempts to abduct me and force me to follow and obey the covert program and they have often tortured me for not wanting to or for begging for the covert wars to stop and for people to stand up...etc., It appears that some agents in the FBI had decided to use me as bait instead of helping us. Part of this could have been a misunderstanding of my offer to help them, in exchange for safety, in 2012. I can't blame them for misunderstanding. But what has happened is the opposite of what I had in mind and I have not been safe from the targeting at all. It actually got worse. As I was surrounded by covert chaos I have repeatedly begged them to stop and stand up for us and that I would forgive the mistake, but it hasn't stopped, not even after I said no - "I can't do this..." when an FBI agent in the Bedford office asked, "we were hoping you'd help us get plate numbers," in the spring of 2014. I had already been through too much by then and was hit hard with chemicals...etc., just before going in to seek help and protection from them. Their using me had already been happening for several months before that and obviously continued. I do not know how I have survived it this long. Now, it appears that, because I am still not happy with the whole situation, and will not alter my writings until I am sure of their intentions, they want to have me arrested and put away somewhere or declared insane. This has been an ongoing threat - to withhold help and call me "crazy" for not becoming part of the covert program, for not leaping into the covert "rescue"/abduction/enslavement, for not erasing more from my writings, for being upset with them...etc. I have, however, repeatedly promised them that I would  excuse genuine good people with good intentions that were not targeting people and had a good ending - with them explaining things to me and being here for us. But the hell continues and I no longer see any light shining at the end of that tunnel.
   I am really scared. Through all these years, at least five, of being used by the FBI, and possibly others who surround me with covert wars instead of helping us, as well, there have been repeated promises for them to be here for me, next week or in two months or in two years, which was over three years ago. I have experienced repeated threats for me to be OK with it continuing or else, types of attitude, but it has all felt horrible to me, especially since, through all this, people whom I love have been being hurt, abducted or brainwashed or enslaved instead of being helped and protected.
   Out of fear of help never arriving for us, and my situation continuing to deteriorate, I keep promising to not blame them if their intentions are good and they stand up and explain things to me as to why its had to be this way. . .but they have done the opposite and seem to have no intentions of doing so.
   Abduction still appears to be their aim for me, but there is also a recent vamp up in set ups to make me look mentally ill and have me arrested or put away, aside from what has happened in the Bedford FBI office, but it all appears to be being orchestrated by them. They appear to be able to use police who are in the covert program. I have been at the end of my rope for a while now and just can not handle any more and have been saying this often through the past five years, but nobody seems to care. I feel really scared, especially with the scenario of set ups being performed by officials whom I have been waiting to stand up for us with evidence of the targeting, which includes staged deaths of enslaved victims as well as the technological targeting, which IS detectable.
   I have had other direct experiences with the FBI. I had a bad experience with a "duty agent," in the Boston office, which was disturbing around 2012. Perhaps it did not help that I later walked into the Bedford FBI office and scolded them - I had sternly said, "You people have a responsibility to the citizens of this country..." This was in late 2012 or 2013. Is it possible that some of them have sought revenge due to this? I would hope not!
   Around 2012 or 2013 I had a conversation with an FBI agent who seemed kind and appeared to understand and want to help, so I had hung in here waiting, (although he "left the office" shortly after I talked to him) and trying to understand and tolerate the hell I've been surrounded by since then. Through it all I have hoped that things are getting better for officials so that we can get the help we need, (there appeared to be covert messaging to this effect - like they needed me to be used in order to help them) but as years crawl by it appears that things have been getting worse - evidence and witnesses have been being destroyed in my situation, even some of those whom they have used to message or help me. And I now wonder if this is what the wait has been for or has become - to destroy evidence and beat on me with round after round of torture until I can not take anymore, in order to force me into leaping into the enslavement program or push me to the point of actually going crazy so they can have me put away in a jail or institution. I hope this is not the case, but it appears so. I hope it does not succeed.

   I am deeply concerned for the safety of many people as well as myself and my children, through this whole situation, as well as now. Though it appears impossible, I still hope for a positive outcome to it all, one that does not include a follow through on the set ups to have me arrested or pretend that none of the targting is really happening - that I'm just mentally ill. . . but does involve honesty and validation and kindness and resolution of a situation that has felt too horrible under already extremely difficult conditions. 

My pain wrote this poem a few days ago
From experimentation to torture
And either enslavement or bait.
I hope genuine help for us
Does not remain too late.


P.S. I'd shared, three years ago, that I was concerned about a dream I had about my words being changed in a recording. For some reason this concern came up around the FBI - Shaheen situation three years ago. But could it be happening now?

P.S.S. FBI Agents, I am deeply sorry to have to write this. I wish this had gone the other way. I hope my standing up will also help those of you who would not condone the ways that I have been being treated and those of you who would probably find it difficult working under or with those who do.  I hope things get better you, for all our sakes. I know that you are probably not responsible for all of the torturous covert stuff, but you surely have been part of it, and I realized on and since the 14th, more so than I'd wanted to think. I hope, someday you can explain it all to me instead of hurting me more.

P.S.S.S. Senator Shaheen, I am deeply sorry if you do not deserve my doubt. I don't know you and this whole situation has been too confusing. I am too overwhelmed with trying to survive the targeting to be able to listen more closely to my own instincts. And, due to this, my wisdom has convinced me that I should not trust anything that is not standing in the Light - that is not openly acknowledging the targeting and OVERTLY being here for us in ways that are kind and honest and  understanding and validating and protective...etc.

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Freedom Can Be Free

Freedom will be free when people stop fighting
for it and start standing for it.

    Yesterday, after I saw a bumper sticker that read, "Freedom isn't free," A little voice cried from my heart, "It is free," and the thought above came to mind. It may not apply to every situation, but I feel that it applies VERY accurately to the Technological Holocaust situation.

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Thank You to the Birds

    I believe in the old Native American spiritual belief of animals being symbolic of things that happen in our lives, particularly the birds. Each type of bird seems to represent people in the world that surrounds me. 

Thank God for you - precious little Doves.
We all need more of you. Your what truly loves.
Thank you to the Geese. Ravens gripe at you.
May only good shine through all that you do.
Thank you to the Eagles who, for Freedom, sing.
Oh let it lift strong currents beneath your wings.
Thank you to the Hawks for their keenest sight.
Let your Hearts sore into the glowing Light.
Thanks to all others who's Hearts can soar
To help the Light shine on this lonely shore.

More may be coming soon

Monday, August 21, 2017

Wobbling Wisdom

   I have stood up for and not blamed "the government" with the hope that the good in it would be more apt to stand up for us if they are not being blamed or have to be concerned about law suites.  I have felt that so many of them are victims too, that it makes no sense for victims to be blaming other victims instead of standing up and helping each other. I still feel this way. But I also know that they can not help us regain our freedom if too many are controlled and either used against us or silenced. I pray for America to stand again for Freedom.

   I can understand other heavily targeted people blaming the government, because some of the targeting even seems to intentionally advertise that it is the government doing it. One example of this is the repeated threat of getting in trouble for tax fraud. I even recently got a phone call by a puppet who asked if I needed help with fighting a tax fraud claim against me! And there are other experiences which prove to me that parts of the government have been used in the targeting against us, just like some of our own loved ones, and other community members, have been.
  Through many experiences, including in the past few weeks, a little voice from deep inside my hearts cries, "If its not the government then why is it not publicly standing up against it - why is it not openly acknowledging the technological targeting - why let the lethal silence continue to enable technological and pharmaceutical mind control and its enslavement of humanity...etc. How can anything else get fixed until this core problem is stopped?" I have often thought that perhaps things just need to get better for them before they can be fully and honestly here for us. . .and we just need to wait for that to happen.
   But for some of us the wait has been too long and filled with painful losses and torturous days. Sometimes I doubt my own wisdom. Sometimes I wonder if any of them intend to ever be here for us at all. It hurts too much to even think they may not be. I am having a difficult time lately. Been being beat on for too long and do not know if any good is coming from anything I do or write. A lot of my hope has been being sliced up by my experiences in and around the targeting and the lack of freedom and privacy and pain of knowing how enslaved humanity has become...etc. I pray for God to help us all to be totally set free and deliver the understanding that will be needed for recovery.

Again, I beg government and media officials to publicly stand up and break the lethal silence that has been enabling the technological and pharmaceutical enslavement of humanity...etc. Please set yourselves and us free.

Please Stop

  I beg ALL who perform covert stuff around me to PLEASE STOP.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Sudden Car Problem!

   The serpentine belt in my car suddenly started breaking a few days ago - the same belt that was replaced four times in 2015.

P.S. I got my car fixed. Then had a flat tire on the 23rd of this month. 

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Call to the Doves

I beg the Heart of officials, in EVERY level of our government, as well as abroad, to openly stand up for us and yourselves and America and the rest of humanity to be free of technological and pharmaceutical mind control.

I have often been told to only focus only on the gang stalking part of the targeting and to not say anything about the mind control. I have not done so, because I strongly feel that this merely sets up a scenario where those who control people all, through technological mind control, can merely use and/or set up whom ever they want to have caught, particularly the loved ones of us heavily Targeted Individuals...etc.

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Fourth Technological Holocaust Drawing

   Rays of sun peaking through puffy clouds, in this mornings sky, inspired this fourth and final "Technological Holocaust drawing. It is called Technological Holocaust - Freedom


Its A Pain

   Lot of pain in my head today, due to what I feel is radio waves being shot into my head.

The Covert Part of the Targeting is Too Confusing

    If there hits a point where I realize, without manipulation of my brain, that I have misperceived some of the cover stuff I will clarify it. But can not do much while still being targeted. Truth is important.

Friday, August 4, 2017

Please Set Humanity Free

   God, please set humanity free. Please stop all the covert wars, the enslavement of the mind and Heart of humanity and the torture of those of us who know....etc. Please deliver freedom, safety and peace to all, in ways that do not harm anyone. Please deliver awareness of what has been happening so that recovery can take place. God, please set humanity free.

God’s hands work through our Hearts. We must do our part.
May the Heart of humanity immediately stand up
and save itself from further destruction.


 P.S. There is a danger of our words being altered in videos or recordings....like what I saw someone do in a video of presidential candidates in 2016. I hope this does not happen, but there needs to be an awareness.

A Prayer I've Had on My Sites

Give us STRENGTH, God...to find our way through bullets hidden in microwaves,
and COURAGE, God...to make a STAND that saves our lives and FREEs our land.

Thursday, August 3, 2017

A Very Disturbing Chain of Events

   Before this last vamp up in the targeting, I had posted a comment about my difficult experiences in web TI forums, on a youtube video and on this blog in the recent "Plight of Targeted Individuals" post. Then the situation started to feel so threatening that I erased it. I was experiencing the video being flashed before me on a library computer as if to demand that I erase the comment, and threats to withhold help and to disable my car and shove in a shelter and demands for me to erase stuff from my writings and the recent episode with a police officer in Goffstown, NH and being surrounded by Bedford police cars in a 'lights out' scenario, which really scared me. (I was also left trapped in a state park overnight.) I have also been experiencing multiple covert messages from puppets that are negro. To make a long story short; either this is being done by Derrick Robinson or someone who wants me to think it is him. The horrible rounds of torture, linked with covert attempts to abduct me, have started up again! I find this all really disturbing to say the least. It actually feels so threatening to me that I am doing this and the previous post although I had not wanted to. I also got another death threat around this stuff and I am too scared to not say anything. They appear to be actually trying to FORCE me, through torturing me, to "leave" to leap into their hands - into enslavement!!!!! I went through hell with this scenario for six months in 2013 and I can not stand it starting up again! Those of you who do this to me....PLEASE STOP!!!! Whoever you are, if you are good and have the resources you show and really "need" me then why do you not come stand with me and protect me instead of torturing me and/or letting me be slowly destroyed?????!!!!!

   The truth is that my experiences with the whole TI forum thing was so bad and so suspicious that I have wanted to talk to officials about it. However there are none that I have been able to talk to and I do not know who is connected to who or what to do and I am really scared. I do not want to be abducted and enslaved or killed in any other way. . .and it seems like this is the direction its going in lately. 

Comments on video, which appeared to be being blocked from public view; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8NeAywK7i0
"Targeted Individuals (TIs) are in deep need of good supportive places to turn to for help and accurate information and advice as well as protection from further harm. Not having this has been excruciating, literally. There are websites set up for Targeted Individuals. However, when I turned to some of them, around the year 2012, I experienced even more confusion and chaos and felt preyed upon by perpetrators who clearly had free rein inside the sites. This was really difficult for me and I hope that other TIs are not running into the same problems I did, because its just too horrible to get the opposite of what we need when we are scared and hurting and groping for help. Since then, I have stood alone with my own sites, but I left some information on some of those TI sites for other Targeted Individuals. I hope my writings are not still being erased or altered in the forum I'd first started sharing stuff in."

"The technological mind control, and its enslavement of humanity, is the core of the problem and it victimizes people both inside and outside governments. Please help expose and stop it from continuing. www.targetedinamerica.com"

"I understand your concerns with online TI forums. My experiences with them was the opposite of the support I was looking for. In them I experienced severe levels of harassment, the erasing of my 2012 article on the core problem - technological mind control, attempts to abduct me, attempts to recruit me into a covert program that seeks vengeance on those whom they say target us... and the confusing misinformation was too abundant."

Give us STRENGTH, God...to find our way through bullets hidden in microwaves, and COURAGE, God...to make a STAND that saves our lives and FREEs our land.

Attempt to Nuked Me Into An Abduction!

   Around midnight last night I experienced a severe round of microwaving that aimed to force me to leave the parking lot I was in and run to a bathroom. Then I was hit with a strong blast of microwaves and someone yelling, "GO!" when I did not comply. I did eventually have to go to a gas station and barely had the strength to walk in. I felt like I had been drugged as well. My mouth suddenly got severely dry and my limbs extremely weak. Then there was an ambulance waiting outside for me, trying to direct me into it, as I walked out of the gas station. I think they may have thought I would collapse from the microwave blast…etc., and sent an ambulance to pick me up, which is a common covert abduction maneuver. (I feel that the hospitals are heavily involved with the abductions of targeted people.)
I have experienced these sorts of abduction attempts many times. They'd repeatedly hit me hard with lasers or microwaves, and/or through disabling my car and then try to pick me up, pretending that it’s a covert rescue, but I have felt certain that the tortures are done by the same people who are targeting me and using others to try to "rescue"/abduct me. I have stated, many times, that I feel it leads to complete enslavement and staged deaths…etc., and I do not understand why it is vamping up again. Please STOP! I do not want to be tortured into an abduction. I do not want to be enslaved. Please stop.

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

For Us

If there is anyone who is aware of the targeting against me or any other person, I beg you to let your Heart stand up with/for us. We need you here for us. I still believe that it is safer to openly stand up against the targeting if you are aware of it. If you can not do this please inform people who can.

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Reading the Stones

  A couple days ago, I sat watching the ocean and trying to get my mind off the targeting in order to regain a bit of my balance. I fantasized about picking small ocean worn stones and building a water fountain in a garden on my own property. (I no longer own any land, but wish I did, because gardens and lily ponds...etc., were one of my joyful hobbies on the peaceful country properties I used to own.)
   I felt better as I thought about working in my fantasy garden in a private and peaceful setting. I never said anything about what I was thinking. But within a few hours there were three women showing up at that spot to pick stones right in front of me. This seemed like more than a coincidence. It seemed to be a response to my thoughts, which I am now sure can indeed be read with the technologies they use on my brain.
   I wonder if the women were completely enslaved mind control victims or puppets who obeyed a text message from their leader. Either way, they need to be set free too.

God help us all to be totally set free
and have a chance to recover

P.S. I had owned my own peaceful country homes and require that so much that I've felt lost without them since I was targeted into losing them and then into destitution that has prevented me from replacing them.