I have carried a lot of guilt, which I've been trying to let go of. But I still feel it. Sometimes I look back and think about the various types of destruction of an uncountable numbers of lives through the past few decades, especially that of people whom I love. Over and over again I have beat myself up for not realizing the targeting sooner. There is so much I could have done for all of us if I had known before they finished shoving me into destitution and before they finished isolating me. My heart grieves for the losses. The grief would be healthy if I had the freedom and privacy to fully feel and release it. But most of the guilt is misplaced and is a heavy load on my shoulders.
Now that I do realize more of the sadistic targeting, I often do not know how to handle it and sometimes feel like things I do or write or say are the wrong things. Sometimes I go through periods where I can not help but to just say whatever pops into my mind. I feel that this is due to the targeting of my brain, but do not know if it is being done with a drug or with technological interference. But I openly say things that I later feel like I should not have and then later feel guilty about it. And the list could go on.
The deeper, wiser parts of myself, keep trying to console me; I was being too heavily targeted to realize things sooner; There is no way that I could know all the right ways to handle this baffling situation; I have no control over the intrusive targeting of my brain and life and they can read my mind anyway, so there are no secrets; And I have fought to expose the targeting for all of us, while often being tortured and threatened for doing so - I have been doing what I can under extremely difficult circumstances. But I still feel bad. And I do not want others to feel this way.
Sometimes, as I think of things I've said or done, and as I write about what has been happening to me, I feel concerned about how other people may feel if or when they are allowed to realize or feel anything. So. . .
Dear family and loved ones, especially my daughters,
I know that you have not believed me and that some of you even go so far as to blame me and/or take part in helping to target me through pushing for the "mental illness" label or depriving me of the kind of help I need most. This has probably made things less difficult for you and I actually find some comfort in knowing this, although I have felt hurt as well. I hope that, if you ever reach a point where your hearts can reach beyond the brainwashings, and realize the Truths about the sadistic targeting against me, (and you as well) I hope you do not blame yourselves, because it is not your fault. I know that there were times when I blamed you and I feel horribly sorry for that. None of this is your fault. You are victims too, just in a different way. I am so sorry that I could not protect you from it. I love you always. . .no matter what.
Dear Government Officials of all levels,
I can not even imagine the struggles that you have been up against, especially for those of you who may be trying to figure out how to deal with this unusual crisis, which surely none have had much training with. So many people blame you that it must be difficult to deal with that part as well. I guess because you are the authorities we tend to assume that you know everything and have the power to immediately stop all crimes...etc. I am deeply sorry that I have sometimes blamed you for not being here for us in the ways that I feel are desperately needed. I am sorry that I had even barged into an FBI office, in 2012, and angrily said, "You have a responsibility to the citizens of this country..." Since then I have felt/realized that many of you have been victims too and that you must have your own unique batches of struggles with this mess.
The deeper wiser parts of me are now assuring me that those of you who want to do more to help us will as soon as you can and may be doing more than I realize. It is hard to feel reassured when my brain is being too heavily targeted. It is hard for my desperation to wait, especially when I am being heavily hit. And its hard to sense that some of you have been used in the targeting and that some of you are victims of the mind control too. But it is easier when my heart feels that the vast majority of you are good decent people who are surely doing all that you can. . .although you may never do what I want or need.
I imagine that, as some of you start realizing the scope of this situation, it may be difficult to look at the trail of destruction of innocent and harmless lives, and the sly, deceptive enslavement of uncountable numbers of people, and wonder what you could have done differently if anything...etc. I hope you do not blame yourselves. I hope you do not let that guilt settle onto your shoulders, especially since those of us who are being heavily targeted have been unable to do proper or good reports due to the targeting vamping up when we try to (sometimes even when we just think to) get help. I have been doing my best to focus on the potential good, instead of the possible bad, no matter what I have been told, in every level of our government, because it keeps my hope alive and you are the ones who can save America and us and the rest of humanity. . .and how can you do that if you are being blamed, or are feeling misplaced guilt, for destroying it? Its not your fault. You have been victims too. I am so glad you are there and I can't bear the thought of your not being. May we all completely regain our freedom as quickly as possible.
It is sad that so many blame you for the sadistic targeting of humanity and your own citizens. To those of us who are being heavily targeted, your communities can feel like empty holocaustal torture chambers. But it is not your fault. You have been being targeted too. You do not deserve the blame. The dark aim to gain control over you, in ways that have been too deceitful and covert, is not your fault. You are not the only country that this has been happening to - all of humanity has been being targeted, especially the people and countries that stood so strong for Freedom. Please peacefully stand up and set yourself free.
It is a horribly sad situation where so much of you appears to have been being destroyed by the technological and pharmaceutical targeting, which prevents your natural process of personal growth - the very thing that life on Earth is for. Consequently, your Heart has been wounded. But its not your fault. You are not to blame. And you can recover.
I feel, in the deepest parts of my heart and soul, that a Light is shining for humanity to regain the precious Freedom that has been being so ruthlessly and deceitfully torn away. It is reaching into the Hearts, all around the globe, who can stand up and restore our freedom. Please let it in. God's hands work through our Hearts and we must do our part. Lets do it. Please let your Heart stand up and save yourself from further destruction.
Sadly, those who are apt to feel guilt are often the ones who should not take it on. . .and those who are responsible for the damage that has been being inflicted upon people are apt to not feel any guilt at all. The most damaging of all guilt is misplaced guilt and I hope it keeps being shrugged off instead of eating away at the strength of those whom humanity needs to stand strong and tall.
P.S. I am again being technologically tortured as I write the "misplaced guilt" post.