We were all deeply hurt as the targeting cruelly tore us apart. At first I stayed away from them, in order to save myself from being institutionalized and force medicated. And then I stayed away, in order to save all three of us from those types of vamp ups against me.
Before I realized the scope of the mind control part of the targeting I had felt disappointed in them for not letting their Hearts bypass messages from those who had been convincing them that the targeting was all in my head and that I should go to an institution. But I now realize how impossible it has been for them to realize and face the reality of the targeting. I know now that none of it was their fault. They were also targeted and hurt in many ways. I still believe in their Hearts. I still believe in them - in who they were born to be. I was blessed with two absolutely awesome people for daughters. And I am not just saying that because I am their mother. Its really True. And the pains that have been inflicted upon them has hurt me too.
I have tried not to think of them very much during this time of forced separation and my fight to survive, because it hurts too much and there is nothing I can do to bridge the gap or stop the targeting or save them (or myself) until we have other people openly acknowledging the targeting and protecting us from it. My excruciating wait for that has already felt like more than one forever and it does not look like it will be able to happen. I miss them so much - I deeply miss what could have been if we had not been targeted. My heart aches for all that has been lost in the decades of the hell that we have been surviving. Not being able to freely be together and love and trust each other has hurt indescribably.
I still periodically send them little "I love you" messages, because I can not bear them feeling unloved or blamed by me. But words are not the real thing, especially when delivered through technologies. I wish we were all free and recovering from the hell we have been put through. My written fight for freedom has often been fueled by my hope for our hearts to reunite and recover and make up for too many lost decades.
Though our separation was forced by the targeting, I still often feel guilty. I wish I'd realized the full nature of the targeting sooner. I wish I'd known. I wish I could have protected them from the pain of thinking that their mom is crazy as well as from the other targetings that have been performed against them. I wish I could take away their pain and free their beautiful Hearts.
Vince Gill - I Still Believe In You