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My New "Yearn for Freedom" Blog;
www.yearnforfreedom.blogspot.com

Saturday, October 29, 2016

I Deeply Cried Yesterday

   Yesterday, as I thought about the scope of the targeting and the ranges of feelings I have felt and been tortured for, (from anger to heart felt objectivity and concern for all) I deeply cried and silently wrote out my pain in my car. This was the first time, in YEARS, that I was not technologically tortured for grieving, which was surprising, although I only cried for a few minutes. But then they parked a puppet car next to me to keep slamming doors as if it is not OK.
   I have been feeling so hurt I can't always hold it in. The suffering I have been experiencing, the lives that I have witnessed being destroyed and the state of our country and world is all more excruciating than words can even begin to imagine. The pain is sometimes unbearable. I need to be able to freely feel and heal and not be hurt or badgered for it.  This is what my life's work has is about. But I have not had that freedom. I now realize that, even back when I thought I had privacy and freedom, I didn't really.

Its OK to feel angry and its OK to feel sad. We were born with these feelings so that we'd use them in positive ways that can help us to heal and grow and into all that we wee born to be. 

   My anger has sometimes come out in dysfunctional wordings on this blog, but it has a right to be there. My anger has helped me to have the strength and courage to keep standing up while I am being threatened and tortured for doing so. And my sadness, when I am able to deeply grieve without being tortured for it, would help me release the pain that has been building in my heart. I feel like I'd need to grieve for at least a few months in order to recover. But the targeting would have to stop, in order for that to happen.

P.S. This is about natural feelings. Most of my anger has actually been technologically induced and would not exist on its own and if I were free to release my pain in private without being tortured or harassed for it.