My New "Yearn for Freedom" Blog;

Friday, November 7, 2014

A Rock and a Hard Place

   Hearing of the death of a member of a family that I've known all my life. Though I'd not been close to them since childhood, the fact that two of the family members had recently been kind to me and had offered to help me on two occasions, leaves me deeply saddened this morning.
   I feel sad for their loss and I am also wondering if it is connected to the targeting in some way or form. I understand that "life happens" but I can not help but wonder how much of it is connected to the targeting of those who help me, because there is a long chain of such incidences. This is all so overwhelming that I sometimes flip into denial or forget some of it as I fight to survive rounds of heavy technological tortures and psychological harassment.
   Those who target me blame me for the deaths. This morning's slams, which came through a puppet at a small store, were, "She's an idiot" and "She'll probably do it again." I think this may mean for me to not allow anyone to help me or be kind to me. . .and that, if I do, it makes me responsible for the criminal targetings of them. After this, I was sitting by the ocean brooding, with a cigaret in my hand, and someone pulled up, took a picture of me, and then left. What kind of scam are they up to now? I really don't care. I have more important things to deal with right now.
   Yesterday, recent letters I mailed to the FBI were returned with "REFUSED" written on them. This finishes destroying my hope for professional help and I am struggling with this realization as well.
   Lately, even before the death, I have been wondering what to do. I have searched for answers over and over again in my mind and the only answer I find is what I have been begging and praying for through the past several years -  in my heart I feel that this would all end if the secrecy around it were not continuing to enable the lethal targetings - if I had the government help that I have been begging for since 2006 - if people pulled together to stand up against these crimes, instead of silently enabling them and shunning or blaming me. I had asked this of one of the daughters of the family in morning. . .do the criminals who target us know of the letter I sent her? Did she want to help and has been targeted for it? Is her dad's death part of that targeting? I will probably never know.  But I feel sorry anyway.
    At this point, due to a lack of professional help, I obviously need a solution that does not depend on help from other people and I have not found it yet. Perhaps I could try to rob a bank and be put in jail (in solitary confinement) so that I will be the only one who can be hurt by those who target us, from this point on. (Just kidding. . .although I HAVE actually thought of doing this.)

   I am up against a rock and a hard place here. My work and jobs are sabotaged. My relationships are sabotaged. Everyone who either helps me or believes that this is really happening to me, is subject to targetings that sometimes become lethal - often being deaths of loved ones. Silence enables the crimes to freely continue and if I talk to people about it the targeting vamps up on me, and also on them if they do not assume I am crazy. What do I do?  What would you do in my situation? Please don't answer, because you may be targeted if your answer is kind and caring and I don't want anything but that.

God help us all!


 P.S. As I process this situation and think of going to the funeral I keep remembering a dream I had about a woman who gets shot as she stands up to speak in front of a group of people. Is it about this situation? It appears so. Would it only happen if I went to the funeral? I believe so. Will my posting this and the above information prevent possible targeting of this family that has already been through too much? I hope so. Better safe than sorry. May God wrap us all in protection.
  As I finish writing the above post two puppet librarians are saying things like, "She has to be held responsible." I cry. 

P.S.S. I have decided not to worry about it, since this may not be the event and there is apt to be high security there, which could probably handle anything.

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